VirtualDinnerPartner

Bees in My Bonnet

2007-04-09T13:53:00.000-04:00

During the last few weeks I have been reading about pets dying from kidney failure after eating contaminated pet food. For over a week, every news show I watched on TV or heard on the radio seemed to include at least one report about this problem. I followed this news with interest because I have four cats.

Meanwhile, there is another story, largely uncovered, that has huge implications for all who eat: honeybees are dying in huge numbers from mysterious causes.

I happened to see a report about the honeybees on public TV. My first thought was, now what? My second thought was, honey prices will probably skyrocket. Then I felt a chill of fear when I realized the major implications of this problem. It's not just about honey!

Honeybees are pollinators. Several species including some birds, bats, and other insects also pollinate, but honeybees exclusively play that essential role in the life-cycle of many major food crops.* In fact, they are such adaptable and effective pollinators, their role has been built into the life-cycle of roughly a third of the foods we eat.

I have to admit, I have idyllic visions of suited-up beekeepers as gentle, brave folk who remove honey from hives in the far corner of a peaceful, rustic, fruit orchard. My image of beekeeping is probably circa the early 1900s, when hay-stuffed scarecrows also figured prominently in fields. Maybe this vision still holds for the occasional small farm, but it isn't true for larger operations which harvest most of our food.

Many commercial honeybees don't live a year-round pastoral existence in a given geographic area. Instead, they are trucked to different locations to work the bloom cycles of different crops. Once situated among flowering plants, the bees spread pollen from plant to plant, fertilizing blooms, making it possible for the plant crop to bear fruit (or vegetable or nut). At the end of one plant's bloom cycle, the hives are packed on a truck and moved to another field or orchard to pollinate another crop.

What is happening to these honeybees?

Toward the end of 2006, East Coast beekeepers started to report “alarming and unprecedented” bee colony losses. New and unfamiliar patterns for this particular form of bee colony death were recently named "Colony Collapse Disorder" (CCD). Large numbers of adult worker bees (50 to 90%) suddenly disappear from the hive and die. This sudden disappearance is unheard-of behavior in normally highly-structured bee colonies where typically, dead bees remain near the hive. For colonies where sudden collapse has occurred, small numbers of mostly young bees are left. They are not able to continue pollination or care for the remaining hive brood and the queen.

This pattern of sudden colony collapse is new, and the cause has not been determined. Early studies of collapsed colonies suggest a range of possible causes including: suppression of honeybee immune systems; biological stress from transportation and confinement; poor nutrition; build up of chemical contaminants in the hive or the bees; lack of genetic diversity in the bee populations; new or stronger disease agents like parasites, mites or other pathogens; or some combination of the above factors.

The phenomenon started on the East Coast and has now spread to twenty-four states in the US, and reports of CCD are starting to be heard in Canada and Europe.

This is big news.....big, frightening news. Yet I have had to dig through congressional reports, Web sites for beekeepers, and public radio and television reports to research the CCD phenomenon. I feel frightened as I imagine the long-term impact of this sudden development.

When I ask my friends and loved ones if they have heard about it, many - who tend to be well informed - have heard nothing, or have seen or heard reports only on public television or radio, or have read about CCD on business pages of newspapers. For some reason, honeybee Colony Collapse Disorder is not being covered in commercial news venues.

Why isn't this news getting the coverage the pet food contamination story got? I wonder if my personal response to the news is over the top. Is this simply a financial dilemma for beekeepers and crop industries? To me, it seems much more than that. Could it be the beginning of a Hurricane Katrina story in agriculture?

I think we need to be talking about the future impact of bee colony collapse so we can develop strategies for surviving the possible food shortages that could result from crops that are not pollinated. While beekeepers are frantically communicating about the impact on their industry, the true implications of this development may affect us all. This is not simply an economic concern; potentially, it seems a threat to our basic survival.

This morning I awoke in a state of reverie. I wonder, what stop-gap measures can be taken until the causes of honeybee colony collapse are identified and remedied? I picture a revival of small household gardens where the gardeners hand-fertilize their plants during the bloom cycle. I imagine groups of volunteers doing this in more traditional agricultural settings. I know this is more naive fantasy than solution to a complex problem.

But maybe there is a sliver of wisdom here. The vast majority of us have relinquished our essential relationship with the plant world to professional plant growers. Has this come at a major cost? Might we reestablish our connection by taking a direct hand in plant life-cycles until the bee populations can be revived?

In the end, I am left with questions like this.

Are losses in natural systems occurring because we, as individuals, have lost contact with nature? Can we restore our connection?

*Alfalfa hay and seed, almonds, apples, asparagus, avocados, blueberries, broccoli, carrots, cauliflower, celery, cherries, cranberries, cucumbers, kiwi fruits, legume seeds, macadamia nuts, onions, pumpkins, squash, and sunflowers almost exclusively (90 to 100%) depend on honeybees for pollination. Other crops that rely on honeybee pollination to a lesser degree include apricots, beets, canola (rapeseed), citrus fruits, cotton, grapes, melon, nectarines, olives, peaches, peanuts, pears, plums, soybeans, strawberries, and vegetable seeds.

Cat Food?

2007-04-02T22:20:00.000-04:00

I went to the vet twice in the last couple of weeks to take my cats for their yearly check-ups and shots. Kitty Carlyle's appointment was the day after the news broke about deaths linked to pet food. Not much was known at that point but it looked like pets who were eating "the good stuff” - foil packages of premium food - were victims. Phew, we were safe; my cats eat dry kibble from industrial-sized bags I buy at Costco.

The following week, I showed up with Brondis, my big yellow male cat. The vet had a long printed list of recalled pet food products. Again, it was mostly the high quality stuff from cans, chunks-in-gravy style food. My cats share only an occasional can of mushy stew served as a treat. Relief - safe again!

I started to follow the news coverage. There was an undertone of apology: this isn’t soft news; after all, our pets are family members. My thought was: exactly, I love my cats.

As the days pass more information is emerging. There is speculation about the safety of some dry food products and wheat gluten is identified as the problem ingredient. I read the list of ingredients on our bag of cat food. Thank goodness, no wheat gluten. Again, we're OK. The cat food I buy is made with chicken and rice and a whole host of chemical-sounding ingredients.

The problem wheat gluten is from China. What the heck is gluten anyway? It’s the protein in grains after starch is removed. Wheat gluten makes bagels and pizza dough chewy and delicious. Pet food gravy is thickened with wheat gluten and it is probably a protein source too.

The problem with this pet food gluten is that it is linked to a contaminant. During the last few days, the news vacillates between naming the culprit as aminopterin, a chemical used as rat poison or cancer chemotherapy; or melamine, a chemical found in plastic resins and pesticides. The source of the contaminant is not identified.

With the exception of formerly-feral Brondis who adeptly hunts (and eats) birds and small rodents, my cats eat a human-engineered diet of kibble - neat pellets nutritionally balanced to promote long, healthy lives. I always read the packages carefully when I buy a new food. I want my feline buddies to be healthy (and I want the vet bills to be manageable).

When I really think about it, what self-respecting cat wants to eat wheat gluten or rice? I am mortified when I see feathers or slain, partially-eaten small rodents on the patio. (Brondis likes to share.) But, then, he is being true to his nature. Cats are, after-all, carnivores. Carnivores eat meat!

Beloved carnivore pets ate scraps and bones when my parents were growing up. Now, our pets dine exclusively on meals from bags, boxes, and cans. Scientific research goes into the development of these products. Everything is engineered for species-appropriate nutrition. Key words hearkening good health for humans like antioxidant and Omega 3 are strategically placed on attractive packaging. Feline-specific maladies are mentioned: hair balls and urinary problems are minimized by this food. Coat and skin health are promoted. Yes, I read the product descriptions carefully.

This whole story has an undercurrent I have not heard explicitly spoken about in the news coverage. The coverage is very specific: this is pet food.

My thought is this is food (period).

The factor that causes most concern for me is that the list of pet food products being recalled grows longer every day. Today a feline favorite in my household was added to the list. I don't serve it all that frequently, but a Pounce product is being recalled as a precaution. The contaminated wheat gluten now seems widespread in the manufacture of pet food.

As I learn about the manufacture of food products, I am beginning to realize that a complex list of altered food subtances coming from a large range of sources is commonplace. If something goes wrong with one ingredient, the implications can be massive. This holds true for food that is manufactured for pets and for people.

I was hiking in the woods this weekend and my companion and I stopped and shared what one friend optimistically calls "a protein bar". This "nutrition bar" is made specifically for women. The attractive foil packaging extols the virtues of the product as having more fiber and less sugar. Antioxidants are mentioned. I squinted to read the ingredients. Many are organic, some are isolates and extracts; brown rice is included as brown rice syrup. I picture people in lab coats researching these virtuous cookies for women who like to eat well while they exercise...or in my case hike or bike.

My thought this weekend was Hmm, human kibble.

Vernal Equinox

2007-03-20T22:27:00.000-04:00

It's spring! The vernal equinox happens today. The days and nights are equal length. I can definitely see the change in the light. It is stronger and things seem more vivid. This year is special because Daylight Savings Time started a month earlier so the sunset seems to be happening much later in the day. I love this change.

I live in New England where spring is a light phenomenon. The weather does not always fit the season. We had a major snowstorm last week and massive icicles are hanging from my eaves and snow is sliding off the roof. However, I have heard a few birds.

Spring is a time of hope for me. I feel like I am ready to crawl out of my cave and take a good look at what is happening in the world. After I stretch, I want to get moving again. It's time for fresh beginnings.

What is next? Where will I focus during my high energy time?

It is time to cull the seeds and decide what to plant.

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-20T21:41:00.000-04:00

The weather is warmer and most of the ice on the roads is gone. Today, I walked country roads instead of in the woods. It was a consolation walk...better than a neighborhood walk but definitely not the woods. I walked in the crusty snow edging the road and ventured a few side trips to take pictures. The weather is supposed to get warmer all week so I hope I will be back in the woods soon. Maybe I'll walk my snowshoe trail one more time.

I am dying to get out my bike. Lots of melting needs to happen before I bike however.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

9:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, mineola orange, 2 tbsps walnuts
whole wheat crackers
11:00
chocolate heaven
12:30
big salad with chicken breast and 4 g fat canola based dressing
whole wheat mini pitas with 1 tbsp hummus
4:00
apple
Dr. Kracker flatbread
50% cheese
7:00
home made pizza with whole wheat crust, soy cheese and veggies
grapefruit

Totals: 4 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and Meditation: country road walk about 45 minutes

The great consolation in life is to say what one thinks.

~Voltaire

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-19T20:23:00.000-04:00

Someone I am close to describes some of her experiences as "off"...things don't go as she expects and as a result, she feels fuzzy, or fussy, or out of sorts. Today was an off day. I don't know why...nothing terrible happened. I didn't have big expectations and I didn't feel disappointed. I got to most things on my lists and still I felt "off."

This seems to tie in with my organization expectations or more accurately the expectations I have about the role organization will play in the quality of my life. One of the maxims I have tattooed in my mind is this: "I will get organized. Things will go well. Life will be good."

When I look at those last three sentences, "will" stands out. In other words, all of this takes place in the future. Maybe a better maxim is "Things are going and life is good." Or maybe "Things are going and life is."

You are probably wondering what happened to my first statement..the one about organization. Today I am rethinking that one. I wonder if I need live from the standpoint "Life is messy and you've got to love it."

Yesterday I wrote from the vantage of keeping a living kitchen...I walked in, discovered a sink and counter full of dishes, a refrigerator drawer with a more than dead eggplant and my thoughts immediately went to "I HAVE to get organized." This was not a happy thought. Then I loosened up and actually enjoyed the cleanup.

Today it's about a bigger picture. AND it's about what I say to myself.

I want to wake up and celebrate the mess.

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

10:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2:00
hoisin chicken breast
butternut squash and New Balance
zucchini
whole wheat crackers
6:30
salmon burger
broccoli
sweet potato and New Balance
grapefruit

Totals: 3 veggies and 2 fruits
Movement: rest day

Life isn't like a book. Life isn't logical or sensible or orderly. Life is a mess most of the time. And theology must be lived in the midst of that mess.
~Charles Caleb Colton

Yesterday, it was my birthday
I hung one more year on the line
I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm Having A Good Time...
~Paul Simon

Living Kitchen

2007-03-18T19:14:00.000-04:00

One of the life lessons I seem to need to revisit on a constant basis has to do with organization, or cleaning..or maybe the relationship between both areas. I convince myself that if I find the right system, everything will take care of itself. As I am writing this I am looking at a clean kitchen. Dinner was over about half an hour ago and the dirty dishes are in the dishwasher and the counters are scrubbed. Actually, the kitchen usually looks decent...but then there are those horrible moments when I wake up and realize the dishwasher needs to be emptied and the sink and counter are full of dirty dishes and I wonder...how in the world did this cyclone pass through again?

I had another version of the "cyclone wake-up" this afternoon when I opened the refrigerator. The shelves were packed and I had no idea what was there. I opened the vegetable drawer and found a rotted eggplant I bought probably three weeks ago. Organic parsnips were starting to wilt with dehydration. Beets were stuffed into a tiny space on a top shelf of the refrigerator where jars of condiments are usually located. I bought them over a week ago and forgot about them until today. A big bag of curly endive is blocking the view of everything else.

I like to live with a certain level of spontaneity. I don't want to eat meals planned days in advance. I want to shop for what "looks good." I want to go to my kitchen and create what "calls" to me. I need to find a way to marry my creative urges with a need to know what supplies are on hand and just how messy and time consuming a particular cooking escapade is going to be.

It's complicated. I want easy solutions...and maybe that's how I get nailed. I expect a foolproof system to organize shopping, storing, preparing meals and clean-up. I assume I won't need to think...it will just be done.

Keeping a kitchen stocked and ready for creation is not the same as keeping a bathroom stocked and clean. Extra towels, soap, shampoo and toilet paper are easy to restock. Fruits and vegetables wilt and rot, meat or fish goes bad when I don't pay attention to storage and timing.

Food is all about living.

Maintaining a good relationship with food is like keeping a good relationship with any other living being. These relationships require awareness, sensitivity and responsiveness to stay on course, to be sustaining.

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-17T20:18:00.000-04:00

Some days feel like a loss, although I know that is never really true. I didn't sleep well last night. The Nor'easter snowstorm brought 14 inches which brought plows and it seemed I woke up every hour to the loud engine noises. At one point I considered getting up and reading I felt so awake. As a result, I felt groggy and out of sorts today. I did things around home and shovelled lots of snow but I didn't really get out and enjoy it. I took a nap late in the afternoon.

Sleep: fitful 8 hours
Vitamins

10:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, mineola orange, 2 tbsp walnuts
2 cups tea
11:00
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
1:30
kitchen sink salad with chicken breast and 6 g fat canola based dressing
3:30
chocolate heaven
6:30
Egg Beater omlette with escarole, onions, and 50% cheese
grapefruit

Totals: 4 veggies and 2 fruits
Movement: shovelled lots of heavy snow

Then indecision brings its own delays,
And days are lost lamenting o'er lost days.
Are you in earnest?
Seize this very minute;
What you can do, or dream you can, begin it;
Boldness has genius, power and magic in it.
~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-16T20:23:00.000-04:00

It's winter again today. A late season Nor'easter snowstorm started late morning and is still going strong tonight. I spent a couple of hours walking in the woods. It was fun to watch the snow fall and trudge around in fresh snow. And the spring eqinox is next week!

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

9:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, 2 tbsp walnuts
11:00
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
1:30
deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
chocolate heaven
4:30
dried edamame
Dr Kracker flatbread
7:00
hoisin chicken
sweet potato and New Balance
roasted green beans
grapefruit

Totals: 2 veggies and 2 fruits
Movement and Meditation: long walk in the woods during snow storm. Did hour long loop at slower pace because of the snow. I wanted to take it all in.

Most people are on the world, not in it—have no conscious sympathy or relationship to anything about them—undiffused, separate, and rigidly alone like marbles of polished stone, touching but separate.
~John Muir

Hoisin Sauce

2007-03-15T16:31:00.000-04:00

In my twenties, after about three years being an ovo-lacto-vegetarian (no meat but I ate dairy and eggs), I started craving chicken. After some soul searching, I decided to heed the cravings. I told a good friend who was also a sensational cook about my dilemma and my decision. She understood the gravity of the situation and wanted to help me rejoin the ranks of omnivores with ceremony. She offered hoisin chicken as the solution.

I bought the chicken and she made the dinner. I ate one small succulent leg. The outer bite was crispy, slightly sticky, the juices savory and sweet. That chicken was mouthwatering and every bite was gratifying. Almost thirty years have passed since that dinner and my memory of it is palpable.

Wondering what hoisin is? It's a thick brown sweet pungent sauce also called Chinese barbecue.

Recently, after rejecting almost every bottle of marinade in my local grocery store because most of them contained high fructose corn syrup, I started to wonder about the bottle of organic hoisin sauce in my refrigerator. It's definitely sweet. What were the ingredients? Organic everything...including cane sugar which was listed fourth on the label.

I make other marinades so I decided to check online for hoisin sauce recipes. The range was interesting. some were made with peanut butter, others black bean paste, still others with fermented soy bean paste. Recently I found a hoisin sauce recipe in a beautiful new cookbook, Food to Live By, by Myra Goodman. I used her recipe as a spring-board for my own.

Her main ingredient is azuki beans, beautiful tiny terra cotta colored beans. I was excited. I had never prepared azuki beans before. I found them at Whole Foods. I adjusted the ingredients and changed the cooking techniques to suit my kitchen. The results are sensational, better tasting than any store bought version.

I have a large jar in my refrigerator and two small containers in my freezer. I use generous amounts as marinade for skinless chicken. The recipe makes about 2 cups but I go through it fast.

Home-made Hoisin Sauce

Ingredients:
1 cup dried azuki beans
3 tbsp toasted sesame oil
1 tbsp minced garlic
3/4 c light brown sugar (add more if you like a sweeter sauce)
1/2 c cider vinegar
1/2 c unseasoned rice vinegar
2/3 c tamari sauce (premium soy sauce)
1/4 tsp Asian chili sauce

Soak azuki beans overnight in water. Drain soaking water and place beans in a pot and submerge in fresh water. Simmer until very soft for about 45 minutes to an hour.
Drain cooking liquid in a colander and allow the beans to cool.
Rinse out the pot and place sesame oil in it. Lightly cook minced garlic and set aside.
Place beans, brown sugar, vinegars, and tamari in a blender. Blend at slow speed until everything is smooth.
Pour blender ingredients into the pot with the cooked garlic and warm to a simmer. Stir frequently. Allow sauce to cook down to a nice thick consistency. Add chili sauce to taste and allow sauce to cool before refrigerating or freezing.

Use refrigerated sauce in a week. Frozen sauce is good for a few months.

To make hoisen chicken, arrange skinless washed chicken pieces in a pan. Pour generous amounts of hoisen sauce until chicken is coated on all sides. Bake in 350 degree oven for 45 minutes. Turn chicken over in the sauce halfway through the cooking cycle.

Chicken can also be grilled after marinading in sauce. Watch carefully for burning and brush frequently with sauce to keep moist.

Anti-Presentation

2007-03-14T16:26:00.000-04:00

Forget the pretty tableware, forget spoons and knives, forget manners. Some eating is best enjoyed with the raw pleasure of a beast with it's kill. The messier the better.

I recently bought a big bag of heavy pink grapefruit at my local buying club. They are probably end of the season fruit so I am enjoying them with end of season fervor. I've eaten one a day for the last week and now two remain.

I started out with a neatly cut half and gently excised the pulp wedges from the membranes with a grapefruit knife so I could politely eat the juicy fruit with a spoon. I could not hold myself back however. After all the pink fruit was removed from the peels, I squeezed the spongy skins to extract the remaining juice and drank from the bowl. These are good grapefruit: tart and juicy with a sweet aftertaste.

I soon abandoned cutting and spooning for a peel-and-eat strategy. Sounds easy? First I bite into the bitter thick peel. Then I pull it off in big sheets by hand. Lots of bitter membrane remains, so I strip it off using my fingernails where necessary. Next, I gore the stem end with my thumb and separate the fruit in half. Juice runs down my wrists.

I separate a section from the half and bite a hole at the thinnest part of the wedge. I peel back both sides of the membranes and shiny pink globules appear. I bite a wedge of pulp away from the membrane attachment. Juice squirts. I am in heaven and I am a mess. I continue wedge by wedge until all I have is a pile of empty membranes, and juice-covered hands and face.

Presentation you say? Those pink shiny wedges are beautiful when they are carefully eviscerated from the membranes but this is a feasting experience similar to eating lobster in its carapace or ribs dripping with barbecue sauce. A bib isn't a bad idea.

Lycopene and fiber? Yes, grapefruit is good for you. But who cares about that when you can abandon yourself to a sensual feast?

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-13T22:33:00.000-04:00

Today is my third day publishing the blog after a considerable break to transition from one computer to another. I got away from a level of awareness and practice while I was not doing this. My daily practice, and by extension writing the blog feels as unsteady as my daily walk where the icy trails require caution and occasional backtracking to find a better route. I need to find my stride again.

I lose my way from time to time. It is a signal that I need to recommit to my practice and look for new inspiration. I talked with my original virtual dinner partner and we brainstormed changes.

Asking for help from trusted allies is one of my strategies when I need inspiration and fortitude. My original virtual dinner partner steps up every time I ask for help this way. She is a blessing in my life.

Sleep about 8 hours

Vitamins

9:00

1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes, 2 tbsp walnuts

2 cups tea

11:00

1/3 c oatmeal

chocolate heaven

2:00

whole wheat pita and hummus

chicken breast

tomato with 2 g fat dressing

4:00

whole grain cereal, half banana and skim milk

7:00

corn chips and 1 tbsp guacamole

white beans and escarole with 50% cheese

grapefruit

Totals: 2 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: one hour walk with stops for careful footing.

Just don't give up on trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.

~Ella Fitzgerald

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-12T21:33:00.000-04:00

It was warm again today..almost made it into the 50's. I didn't need a hat or a coat. It is undeniable that spring is on the way. I was outside for several hours during my walk and actually lost track of the time. The rough footing slowed me down but the slower pace allowed me to do some exploring. I went off path several times to look at rock formations and to see a trail-side stream up close. I like inhabiting the woods, not just walking for exercise. I got that today.

Sleep: about 7 hours
Vitamins

9:00
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, mineola orange, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 cups black tea
11:00
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
chocolate heaven (see recipes)
1:30
hoisen chicken
spinach
cauliflower
whole grain cereal, banana and skim milk
6:45
lentil soup
soy cheese on whole grain pita
carrots
fresh tomato with 2 g fat dressing
grapefruit

Totals: 4 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and Meditation: my one hour walk in the woods extended by frequent stops for pictures and exploration.

I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, for going out, I found, was really going in.
~John Muir

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-03-11T17:56:00.000-04:00

I made some technical changes since my last post. I replaced my old computer and operating system and upgraded. I feel like I went from horse cart to warp speed. I am excited and challenged by the possibilities the changes bring.

Today marks another significant change.... Daylight Saving Time. I love this time of year. It is presently 6:00 pm and the sun has not set yet. I know the sun is setting at the same in an earth-time and body-time sense, but having a culture-time shift does make a change for me. The time change makes me realize how strongly linked I am to the culture. I feel happy that it is 6:00 and daylight.

Sleep: about 7 hours

Vitamins

9:00

1/2c nf cottage cheese, mineola orange, and 2 tbsp walnuts

2 cups black tea

11:00

oatmeal 1/3c before cooked

12:00

turkey loaf with spinach and arugula

cauliflower

2 cups black tea

3:00

small piece of home made veggie pizza with whole wheat crust and 50% cheese

apple

6:00

egg beater spinach and onion omlette

whole wheat toast with strawberry jam

grapefruit

Totals: 4 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: one hour plus walk in the woods. It was rough going with ice and snow covering much of the trail. Melting is significant today however after two days on the 40's. I did my regular loop but I needed to be careful and avoid the ice. It was a sloppy adventure. My new hiking boots and my pants cuffs are covered in mud.

I don't mind going back to daylight saving time. With inflation, the hour will be the only thing I've saved all year.

~Victor Borge

Simplest Dessert

2007-02-13T18:26:00.000-05:00

I have a sweet tooth. I frequently read dessert recipe ingredient lists for the perfect dessert...something with a few vitamins and minerals, that's low fat, with good carbohydrates and a little fiber. The ingredient list for this dessert is short, and frankly, it blows me away.

When I was in Boulder a couple of months ago, I had lunch at a funky little restaurant attached to a food coop. I got the best felafel sandwich...actually, it was a "to die for" felafel sandwich. When I ordered I got to choose something to go with it. I picked an apple. I felt proud, virtuous ....."yeah, I'm eating healthy today."

Eating the sandwich, I had to stop myself from moaning out loud . Felafel sandwiches, especially perfect ones, are rare treats for me. Then I started in on the apple. I don't remember what kind of apple it was, but it was cored and the skin was still on and it was cut into razor thin slices. It was wet, crisp, sweet and... simply apple: it was extraordinary.

After lunch, I went to the coop and bought a Fuji apple and an Asian pear and took them home "to fix" with the dinner I had planned. I cored and sliced them thin, peeled and sliced kiwi fruit and made a pretty arrangement on a plate. I scattered pomegranate seeds across the top. My dinner companions loved dessert.

Now, I eat most apples that way. All it takes is a good piece of fruit, an extra sharp knife, a pretty plate and a little time and energy. Sometimes I add chopped peanuts or minced toasted almonds, sometimes I add a dusting of cinnamon. It's the perfect dessert, so simple, and so good because it tastes extraordinary.

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-12T22:11:00.000-05:00

It was left over day. I searched through the refrigerator and cupboards to put together my meals. I always end up eating less veggies on days like this. I don't know if it is lack of inspiration or actual lack of groceries. Probably it's a little of both. I am sure I could have found some green beans in the freezer and a cucumber to increase my veggie count but I am not strongly motivated by numbers. I need to prepare something I really want to eat. Maybe that was part of the problem today...lack of good fresh food lead to lack of inspiration which lead to lack of desire. Most days I need to be excited by what I am eating or I don't eat as well.

Sleep: about 7 hours
Vitamins

8:30
oatmeal 2/3c before cooked and 1 tbsp peanut butter
2 cups black tea
11:30
chocolate heaven
tangelo
1:00
white bean and escarole soup
2 slices deli turkey
apple
cereal and milk
4:30
edamame in the shell
5:30
whole wheat pita and hummus
grapefruit

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

Movement and Meditation: 45 minute walk in the woods.

Technique is what you fall back on when you run out of inspiration.
~Rudolf Nureyev

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-10T20:45:00.000-05:00

Today was an easy Saturday. It was fun and social: I went to a bookstore and to the movies. I cooked a nice dinner and played table games afterward. Every once in a while I need to just have fun.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

9:00
orange, 1/2c nf cottage cheese, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea
12:00
hummus and whole wheat pita
2 slices deli turkey
apple
6:30
turbot fillet sauteed with onions
butternut squash with New Balance
roasted Brussels sprouts
grapes

Rest day

We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.
~George Bernard Shaw

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-09T20:51:00.000-05:00

I feel my legs today. Wow, I am sore! I realized my home based leg resistance training workouts are not as demanding as using machines at the gym. I used about half the weight I was accustomed to using on machines last fall and still today I am feeling the shift in the workout. The other change was I biked for an hour in spin class yesterday. I haven't been on my bike for 6 months.

I returned to the gym today for a lighter workout. The novelty is still a good factor, also the cold weather and my soreness drove the decision to walk indoors. I feel good about getting some movement today, but I don't feel the openness I feel after walking in the woods. I have a touch of cabin fever. Even big enclosed spaces don't take care of that. I need fresh air, sunshine and dirt under my feet.

Sleep about 7 hours
Vitamins

9:00
oatmeal 2/3c before cooked and 1/4c crushed peanuts
11:00
edamame in the shell
chocolate heaven
12:30
grilled cheese with whole grain bread, 1 slice 50% cheese and New Balance
butternut squash
half a grapefruit
6:00
large salad with 6 g fat canola based salad dressing
1 egg and egg beater omlette with spinach, onion, and sweet pepper
apple

Totals: 2 fruits and 8 veggies

Movement: walked 1 mile on indoor track and rode stationary bike for 20 minutes in "hill climb" workout program.

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.
~John Ruskin

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-08T10:34:00.000-05:00

I am "between gyms" and found a month long complementary membership at a local gym while I shop around for a new one. The novelty of a new place made working out a lot more fun than it tends to be for me.

I am not a track walker but I welcomed the opportunity today because the weather was so cold. I haven't ridden my bike since August, so I took a spin class which was a fun diversion. Gyms aren't nature for me but they open possibilities for exploring nature down the road. I feel like I need to approach fitness as a mission so I can climb some real mountains this summer. That's the vision that kept me engaged today.

Sleep: about 6 hours woke up several times last night
Vitamins

9:00
oatmeal (2/3 c before cooked) and 2 tbsp peanut butter
2 c black tea
12:00
spinach and onion omelet (1 egg and eggbeaters) with Romano cheese
butternut squash with New Balance
chocolate heaven
4:30
edamame in the shell
orange
6:00
deli turkey, field greens, and honey mustard in a whole grain wrap

Totals:1 fruit and 4 veggies

Movement: at gym today walked a mile on indoor track, took hour long spin class, and did leg resistance training on machines, at home did arm resistance training with free weights.

I didn't have anybody, really, no foundation in life, so I had to make my own way. Always, from the start. I had to go out in the world and become strong, to discover my mission in life.
~Tina Turner

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-07T12:33:00.000-05:00

I haven't gotten out for a couple of days because the wind was high and the weather really cold. Cabin fever was a problem so today I put on all my cold weather technical wear, my new hiking boots, my ancient huge puffy down parka and I set out. It was rough going but really quite wonderful to be outside again.

Other brave folks were out before me, I saw cross country ski tracks, horse shoe imprints, bike tracks, dog paw prints and a wide range of shoe prints. I saw only one other person walking today but the snow told a different story. Cold weather doesn't keep everyone inside. I need to remember that.

Sleep: about 7 hours
Vitamins

9:00
oatmeal (2/3c before cooked) with 1 tbsp peanut butter
12:00
whole grain wrap with deli turkey, field greens, and honey mustard
chocolate heaven
6:00
chicken veggie soup
butternut squash with New Balance and 2 tsp maple syrup
grapefruit

Totals: 5 veggies and 1 fruit

Movement and Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods. I did the same route but it was an entirely different journey. It was very windy and cold and the footing was much more demanding. Snow and ice were prevalent.

I didn't eat much today. The last few weeks have been really rough for carbohydrate cravings. Today, I didn't have a problem. I never know what drives these cycles. Certainly the cold weather and the shorter winter days contribute. I started with a high carbohydrate very filling breakfast today. Maybe that helped.

He that dares not grasp the thorn should never crave the rose.
~Anne Bronte

When we tire of well-worn ways, we seek for new. This restless craving in the souls of men spurs them to climb, and to seek the mountain view.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Do you hate Brussels sprouts?

2007-02-03T12:00:00.000-05:00

According to Wikipedia, Brussels sprouts won the distinction of being the "most hated vegetable" in a 2002 survey in Britain. Surprised? But they are so good for you!

These dainty cabbages are loaded with vitamin A, vitamin C, folic acid, fiber, and lip smacking phytochemicals. They are cruciferous vegetables, the vegetables nutritionists are always recommending.

I like broccoli, cauliflower, even cabbage... other cruciferous vegetables, but Brussels sprouts? Yikes. They taste bitter, downright caustic when I steam or boil them. I want to like them but I can't get them down. It's something about the sulfur that gets released when they are cooked.

Someone I love cooked them for me a while back. "For me" is the operative phrase here. She found the recipe in a magazine and decided to try it. She knew I was a cruciferous zealot (she is not). The smell of Brussels sprouts wafted through the house....that unmistakable smell...oh joy. Then there was the unveiling. I was surprised when she opened the oven door. They were deep walnut brown. Oh great, I thought, not only are they Brussels sprouts, they are burned!

I tried one. The outside leaves were crisp and the inside was smooth, chewy, almost nutty in flavor....no bitterness! I couldn't believe it...they were delicious! She thought so too. We finished the whole serving in one sitting. I couldn't believe I was loving Brussels sprouts.

A few weeks later I asked for the recipe. She admitted she lost it. She wasn't sure what she added to the Brussels sprouts.."you know, the normal things." I didn't know. Brussels sprouts were never normal for me.

So I set out to replicate the memory of that treat. Here are the results of my research. Key to the good taste is to incinerate the little darlings. Something magic happens in that extra hot oven.

Roasted Brussels Sprouts

Heat oven to 450 degrees.

Wash a pound of fresh Brussels sprouts in a colander and trim the stem end with a sharp knife. Peel any dried or unclean leaves from the outside.

Cut them in half if they are small or quarters if they are large.

Transfer cut Brussels sprouts to a plastic bag and add a tablespoon of good olive oil and up to a half teaspoon of fresh ground black pepper (less if you like light pepper). Close the bag and shake the contents until the oil and pepper are well dispersed through the vegetables.

Pour onto lipped cookie sheet and bake for 15 minutes. Stir the vegetables and return to the oven for another 15 minutes until Brussels sprouts are dark walnut brown (really, incinerate them). Salt to taste and serve immediately.

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-03T11:13:00.000-05:00

It was an unusual day for me. I didn't get out except to walk to my neighbors. It was icy for that short journey so it put a damper on my desire to go outside. I stayed home and did things around my house. In the end, I regretted not going out.

I discovered a new veggie today. I made a chicken soup tonight with parsnips along with a number of other vegetables. I don't know how I got through my whole life without eating parsnips. They add a delicious sweet nutty quality to soup. They are not fancy vegetables just good. Parsnips, just another simple way to step out and experience life. I am so glad I tried them!

Sleep: about 7 hours
Vitamins

8:30
oatmeal (2/3c before cooked) with 2 tbsp peanut butter
3 cups of black tea
12:00
roasted Brussels sprouts
chocolate heaven
1:30
turkey veggie soup
Dr Kracker's flatbread
apple
7:00
chicken veggie soup
Dr. Kracker's flatbread

Totals: 8 veggies and 1 fruit

Original Experience has not been interpreted for you, and so you’ve got to work out life for yourself. Either you can take it or you can’t. You don’t have to go far off the interpreted path to find yourself in very difficult situations. The courage to face the trials and to bring a whole new body of possibilities into the field of interpreted experience for other people to experience – that is the hero’s deed.
~Joseph Campbell

Happy Groundhog's Day

2007-02-02T10:40:00.000-05:00

Today is Groundhog's Day. It is also St Brigid's Day, Imbolc or Candlemas. These are local or religious celebrations for a celestial event for earth dwellers, the cross quarter day or the halfway point between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox. Thank heavens we are starting the second half of winter. Something seems to turn for me after this halfway point. I can feel the days getting longer and my energy returns.

I am definitely in winter mode.

Last night I watched three hours of television. I felt like the epitome of sloth by the end of the evening. Granted three of my four favorite shows were on (all with new episodes).

These episodes called too...."Ugly Betty" was unveiling a mysterious new character, "Grey's Anatomy" had two outstanding marriage proposals, and "ER," a hostage situation. I am so caught up in this fake reality that I couldn't miss a single show. Granted I folded laundry and knitted, so the night wasn't a total loss, but there is something about being lost for three hours in these manufactured worlds.

My world, my reality lost precedence last night. I felt sluggish and unsatisfied when I went to bed. In the summer, when the daylight extends beyond 8 pm, I don't have a favorite show. Television is a way I pass the long winter nights.

I go through periods when I put myself on a TV diet but it doesn't seem to last when I am in winter mode.

My friends and I talked last month about "screen time." We pledged to limit ourselves to two hours a day. Two hours feels like an outer limit, it's really a lot of TV watching. However, when I consider computer time, the two hours adds up quickly. I definitely spend more than two hours screen time a day. My computer time also drops considerably in the summer. It's about diversion, getting through, surviving winter.

Some years are better than others. This year the weather is mild with little snow so I have been hiking a lot more. Last winter I was snowshoeing. Maybe my memory is playing tricks, but last winter seemed better. I miss snowshoeing. I miss the breathing heavily and challenge of walking through snow. I miss the beauty of the frozen landscape, the clean snow, the cold wet air after fresh snow.

I don't remember watching TV last winter. But that is the curse of being caught up in fake reality, I experience a state of amnesia during the hours I am watching. Life is suspended and even though I am folding laundry or knitting, "Ugly Betty" is what's happening. And even though "Ugly Betty" has a redeeming story line (what a plucky young woman!), it isn't my story.

So here it is half past winter. It's time to take stock and get serious about screen time. I need to let my reality take precedence. My first few weeks of cutting back on screen time will be challenging, but things will shift and I won't think about it any more. And before I know it spring will be here.

By the way, Punxsutawney Phil (the "official" groundhog) did not see his shadow this morning. The weather prognosticators are saying we will not get six more weeks of winter. Big surprise. Phil must know about global warming.

Anyway, it's time to wake up and get moving. It's time to step back into life.

Happy Groundhog's Day.

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-02-01T12:21:00.000-05:00

Today I had my first walk in the woods with my new boots for mountain hiking. I finally bought them a couple of days ago after lots of conversation and research. I am happy with what I got. So today felt like the first step toward a big journey. My feet were well supported and warm and the boots fit comfortably. I am excited I am one step closer to this dream of stepping out on a big mountain. It feels like stepping into a new life.

Sleep: about 7 hours
Vitamins

8:00
oatmeal (2/3c before cooked) with 1 tbsp peanut butter
9:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese with 1/2c orange juice mixed in
11:30
1c carrot juice
12:30
edamame in the shell
2:30
turkey veggie soup with 50% cheese
Dr Kracker flatbread
apple
6:30
white bean and chicory endive soup
acorn squash
grapes
8:00
candied ginger

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods.

Nature is forever giving us chance after chance at what we call rebirth and death, and we, in our folly, in our fear of death, fail to understand that which represents a new journey, a new page on which to write, and thus to believe in a new beginning for ourselves.
~Shri Parthasarathi Rajagopalachari

Bananas!

2007-01-31T21:11:00.000-05:00

I got out the bag of banana crisps today and a little less than a serving remained so I decided to finish the bag without using a bowl. I sat down, and as I was eating, I reread the nutrition label and made a shocking discovery. "Banana Crisps" with the same picture and label on the front of the bag is no longer an 80 calorie snack made with bananas and a little sugar. A new ingredient is on the nutrition label......rice bran oil. The same size serving now delivers 150 calories and 8 grams of fat, 2 of which are saturated. I was horrified.

I read nutrition labels and I tend to remember good snack food. I was excited when I found these last summer at a "health food" store I shop from time to time. I like banana crisps. They taste good and are fun to eat. In my mind they were junk food that wasn't really junk food.

Then I got mad. The label on the front of the bag is exactly the same. The nutrition label has changed. I have no idea when it changed. Who knows how long I have been eating roughly twice the calories and extra fat. My "health food" store pulled a fast one. I don't feel the same about their products. I can't run in and pick up my favorites every few weeks, I HAVE to read the labels to see if anything has changed. I'm not sure if I want to shop there anymore.

Then I thought about this some more. I was calling this snack "fruit." In reality, it is processed food. Who knows how those bananas were made into tasty dried slighty sweet crisps. If I am fully honest about the situation, I was telling myself something that wasn't true. The better food choice is a banana...the yellow fruit with a peel. I know this and I need to stop telling myself that processed or prepared food is equivalent to food that comes from a plant that grows in the ground.

Bananas! What a lesson I got today.

Edamame in the shell

2007-01-30T11:44:00.000-05:00

I laugh as I type in "recipe" as a label for this entry because the instructions are so simple. Guess this is a typical American recipe.

Buy a bag of edamame in the shell in the frozen food section of your grocery store, Asian market or health food store.
Open the bag and pour the amount you want to eat into a dish you can put into the microwave.
Read the bag and follow the microwave instructions.
Enjoy!

How did I get this far in life and NOT know the joys of edamame in the shell. I sit cross legged on the sofa with two bowls..one full of hot edamame and another empty one for the shells. I pop open the end of the shell with my fingers, then I bite and suck out the contents of the shell... two or three nice warm nutty flavored smooth green beans. The work involved eating edamame makes it the perfect snack for me. I have never enjoyed shelled edamame in the same way. I would just as soon leave it as eat it. Funny how that works.

Never heard of edamame? It is pronounced "ed-dah-mah-meh" and it means soybean in Japanese. "Oh yes," you say. Everyone has heard of soybeans. Edamame in the shell are an entirely different experience however. Nature's perfect snack food in my mind....they taste great and they are good for you.

If you haven't had them, definitely give them a try.

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-27T15:35:00.000-05:00

I haven't posted daily tracking for a while, mostly in the spirit of cleaning up the blog. Not posting made me realize the impact of this practice. I am more aware of what I am doing when I write it down. In the long run, I want to wean myself from the practice of daily tracking while I continue healthy living. I am not where I was five years ago when I was not taking care of myself but I am not where I want to be. I see the learning curve.

Presently, I am concentrating on resiliance. I am pleased to see that difference in focus. I wonder what is next. Will mindful living in these areas of my life ever become automatic? What will it take to get there?

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

9:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes and 2 tbsp walnuts
tiny lowfat bran muffin
2 c black tea
12:00
kitchen sink salad with spinach, field greens, cucumber, tomato, carrots and 6 g fat canola based dressing
Kr Kracker's flat bread
grapefruit
2:30
oatmeal (2/3c before cooked) with 1 tbsp peanut butter
4:30
chocolate heaven
6:30
turkey veggie soup

Movement: resistance training for arms and legs

The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.
~Buddha

White bean and escarole soup

2007-01-25T19:12:00.000-05:00

White bean and escarole soup is a favorite in my household. It is so easy to make and delicious on a really cold day.

Ingredients:

Big bunch of escarole or chicory endive
Large sweet yellow onion
Olive oil
Large can of small white beans
Parmesan cheese
Fresh ground pepper

Directions:
Wash the escarole or chicory endive. Cut it into 2 to 3 inch lengths by cutting off bottom of head and making several cross wise slices through the head. Set aside.

Dice a large sweet yellow onion and saute in a tablespoon of olive oil in a hot skillet until the onion is caramelized (slightly browned).

Pour in complete contents of canned white beans (including juices). Add a little water to make mix a little more soupy if desired. Mix well.

Add escarole or endive and cover skillet. Allow to cook a few minutes until the greens are wilted. Stir until greens are incorporated into the soup.

Add fresh ground pepper to taste. Add a little grated parmesan cheese after serving if desired.

Losing the way

2007-01-24T19:04:00.000-05:00

I walk in the woods....I go to the same small forest I have been walking for over a decade. I travel the same trails in the same direction. I know those woods intimately, know the time required for many trail variations. I know where the the trails get muddy or flooded and where heavy ice occurs. I know where I need to call my walk short because the sun is setting. I am amazed that I don't get bored because I experience more repetition than variety.

I know where the hills are, I know the streams. I know the field loops and trails that add ten minutes to my walk. I fall into the rhythm of my gait and breathing. I enjoy seasonal changes. I love the surroundings and enjoy the comfort of my own thoughts as I take almost daily journeys through "my woods."

Today I broke from my typical journey. I travelled the extension of an older rarely used trail. It is a long open uphill I see as I get ready to turn a corner. I found myself walking a lesser used stream-side trail to access to the beginning to this unexplored trail. I hadn't planned the change in direction...something about the white snow clearly marking the uphill called to me. I walked the long uphill until I saw a property sign indicating I would be leaving the official boundary of my woods. I turned back into the forest near the crest of the hill.

Broad slabs of granite littered the forest floor. Faded blue flashes appeared occasionally on trees. The trail markers were not reliable. I didn't have a map. I was not in familiar territory. The sun was starting to set. I realized I was not on a typical afternoon walk.

Light snow marked some of the trail. Heavy tree cover erased the snow so I had to rely on instinct to "see" other trail indicators on this infrequently travelled route. The granite slabs took on a slightly different color where the path crossed. The ground was slightly indented. A faded trail marker would appear. I continued. Then something about the contour of the land told me I was nearing familiar territory. Indeed I was. I followed a switchback over a large granite slab and realized I was on a hill above a field I traverse at the end of my everyday walks. I was in the field a few minutes later.

I loved that walk. I had a few flashes of concern but once I focused on trusting my instincts about feel of the land I settled and paid close attention to subtleties. The experience opened all my senses. I noticed ground cover, striations in granite, I could smell the forest, I heard migrating birds circling overhead. I saw the beauty of the diminishing light as the sun set.

I took some risk setting out without a map, without noticing the time but I got to see my woods with new eyes. I am stepping out in familiar territory so I can step into unfamiliar territory. Today's whim will lead to tomorrow's adventure. I need adventure as much as I need familiarity.

Finding the way

2007-01-23T20:39:00.000-05:00

Today, on my walk in the woods, I took a detour on an old path that has been out of use for a number of years. In other seasons it is overgrown and flooded. It leads to a major stream and it used to have a small footbridge that led to a long uphill path. The ground was frozen and a light snow marked the contours of the old trail. I carefully walked the icy ground to the stream and looked to the continuation of the path uphill . A number of years ago a larger bridge was built upstream and a new uphill path was built from there.

I bushwhacked upstream to the new bridge and found vestiges of an old transitional path people probably travelled as the newer bridge was being built. One of those "let's go see what's happening upstream" ...or perhaps "let's go look at the old bridge" footpaths as things were transitioning.

I've walked by the old path for years but lack of a clear entrance and mud kept me from exploring. I am glad I got a good look today...I just wanted to see what was there.

Some days I wish some of my old patterns of living had entry portals so obscured I have no desire to travel the route. I usually take the new bridge but sometimes I find myself travelling the old route. Transitional paths are still present. Maybe I just need look downstream from the new bridge to remember the old way without actually visiting it.

Change is afoot!

2007-01-23T17:50:00.000-05:00

Ah, today Virtual Dinner Partner has a new look and an upgrade at the blog site. This is the first step of some experimentation. I love the plastic quality of a blog: it morphs, it starts as one thing and becomes another.

I have had a long run with the menu format of Virtual Dinner Partner and I am going to minimize those postings to a few days a week (they are not going away...after all, the blog is still called "virtual dinner partner.") I am adding new favorite recipes. I am always looking for new meals to try because I tend to run out of ideas.

I am upgrading the movement and meditation commentary. I am not entirely clear about the form so I will experiment and see how it morphs. Don't worry, it will not be about sets and reps. Instead, I will focus on direction and improvement. I want Virtual Dinner Partner to become dinner talk about dreams of climbing big mountains, and plans to make it happen, stories about stepping out, trying new things, and living a joyfully active life. I will include progress reports, problem solving, and setback resolution. Inspiration will be my focus ...mainly the people and stories that keep me going.

Virtual Dinner Partner will continue with a personal focus. One of the things I have really wanted as I have made major health changes is the true stories of others who have walked similar journeys. There are success stories, but the truth is I regularly fall on my face. I want to hear those stories too so I am stepping out and telling mine. Sustainable change requires experimentation. Frankly, some experiments don't work. Sometimes you have to cut your losses, walk away and figure out something else. Failure and resiliance are as much a part of my story as success is. Also, some days are better than others.

I would love feedback. I want to hear other people's stories. I would love to see other blogs like this.

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-17T22:35:00.000-05:00

The temperature is in the teens and with the wind chill factored in it is just above zero. We finally are getting some winter weather. I had to look for my down parka because today was the first day I wore it. I didn't walk. My car doors are frozen shut. It is supposed to be warmer tomorrow. I am starting to think about walking in local shopping malls to get some exercise. I truly hope I don't have to do that. I am fine with cold weather...but I am so out of touch with frigid weather this winter it is difficult to get out the door.

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange, 2 tbsp walnuts
tiny lowfat bran muffin
2 c back tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
banana crisps
1:00
white bean and escarole soup
clementine
low fat cheese puffs
4:30
deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
7:30
chocolate chip cookie
couple of bites of peanut butter cookie

Totals: 2 veggies and 3 fruits

“It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily. "So it is." "And freezing." "Is it?" "Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately.”
~A. A. Milne

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-16T12:43:00.000-05:00

There is ice everywhere and trees are down. Fortunately we have electricity because lots of people in the region don't. Winter decided to come in the form of an ice storm. It is really cold too. For safety reasons, I decided not to walk. It's home exercise day...and I am calling it exercise instead of movement and meditation. I lifted weights and did a ball workout while watching TV. It's called expedience too. I did it to do SOMETHING.

This is not a place I like to stay. Every once in a while it serves as better than nothing...but it doesn't do much for me as far as the long run is concerned.

Tomorrow, when the road are better I want to go out and see the icy landscape. The woods will probably be beautiful.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, pineapple, and 2 tbsps walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 c black tea
12:00
string cheese
3 soy nuggets
kitchen sink salad with greens, carrots, peppers, broccoli, cucumbers and 2.5 g fat canola based dressing
sweet potato with New Balance
2:00
1c nf plain yogurt with peaches blended in
4:00
slice of pumpkin bread
10 almonds
6:30
white bean and endive soup
acorn squash with New Balance
orange
banana crisps

Totals: 7 veggies and 4 fruits

When virtue is lost, benevolence appears, when benevolence is lost right conduct appears, when right conduct is lost, expedience appears. Expediency is the mere shadow of right and truth; it is the beginning of disorder.
~Lao Tzu

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-15T14:01:00.000-05:00

It is Dr. Martin Luther King day and I am home after spending the weekend with people I love. I am inspired to plan some new adventures. I have ideas but they aren't entirely clear yet. Still I am ready to forge ahead. I got good information about hiking boots and other equipment and a list of great hikes. I am excited. The next step will be to get really tight with my training. I want it to be fun first...and I want to get strong doing it. This is the time in my life for stepping out, and I really want to make it happen.

Sleep: about 9 hours
Vitamins

9:00
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, orange and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 c tea
12:00
kitchen sink salad with greens, tomato, peppers, cucumbers, carrots and 50% cheese with 6 g fat canola based dressing
TLC crackers (1 serving)
4:00
3 soy nuggets and honey mustard
6:30
chicken breast with almond and pineapple glaze
green beans
baked potato with New Balance
apple

Totals: 6 veggies and 2 fruits

Movement: resistance training: arms

Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase.
~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Occasionally in life there are those moments of unutterable fulfillment which cannot be completely explained by those symbols called words. Their meanings can only be articulated by the inaudible language of the heart.
~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

Not a great start today but a lovely ending. Soon after I woke up this morning, I paid the price for my high sodium dinner last night (cocktail sauce with the shrimp) with a visual aura, which is usually a precursor for a migraine headache for me. I dropped everything and sat until it passed.

I followed one of my resolves from yesterday. I got veggies! It was a much better day.

I am spending the weekend with people I love. We started with dinner together tonight. Tomorrow we have plans that will help with another resolve...time outside. Sometimes recruiting legions helps with momentum. I need some change in routine and I am sure company for the walk will help.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups tea
1:30
grilled cheese with whole wheat bread, 50% cheese and New Balance
kitchen sink salad with spinach, celery, pepper, cucumber and 6 g fat canola based dressing
3:00
chocolate heaven
7:30 (take out)
chichen teryaki
brown rice
avocado makis
mixed veggies

Totals: 6 veggies and 1 fruit

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.
~Epictetus

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-11T14:13:00.000-05:00

I seem to be writing this a lot....some days are just losses. That's when I get into a mode of treading water. Lots of energy goes out and not much gets done in respect to the big picture. I have been there a lot lately. This is a seasonal pattern for me. In the winter, I seem to lose my way.

Today was not a total loss. I have to frame what I am saying in the context of what is really important to me. Today was not very healthy.

I have a couple of very basic yardsticks I use to measure what I experience as health. The first is how I "feel" on some fundamental level. Did I feel "on track"? Today I didn't. I did things but I ended the day wondering what I accomplished.

The second yardstick of health for me is how alive I feel and I measure that directly too. Am I spending quality time outside? Lifting weights while watching "Ugly Betty" does not qualify that way. I got some exercise which is good but it didn't make me feel truly alive.

A third yardstick of health is how I am taking care of myself. The best, most direct way I measure that is how many vegetables I am getting in a day. It's really that basic. It has little to do with calories. It's about range, variety, and color. Today, I fell flat on my face in that department: I ate lettuce. The interesting thing is I really like vegetables.

This just indicates that I am lost and I need to get out a map or a compass and figure out a direction I need to move toward. Is it the produce department? Is it my recipe books? Is it my woods? Maybe so!

Sleep: about 6 and a half hours and woke up in the night
Vitamins

8:00
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsps walnuts
2 c black tea
12:00
turkey burger, lettuce, tomato and honey mustard on whole grain pita
apple
1:30
soy crisps
2 tbsps almonds
2:30
chocolate heaven
5:30
shrimp and cocktail sauce
soy crisps
fudgesicle

Movement: leg resistance training

Who can map out the various forces at play in one soul? Man is a great depth. The hairs of his head are easier by far to count than his feeling, the movements of his heart.
~Saint Augustine

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-10T17:51:00.000-05:00

Something I have deliberated over with Virtual Dinner Partner is the level of disclosure and I had decided not to cover menstrual cycle in my writing. But today I feel it has a strong bearing on how I am doing. Never say never. I am bloated, crampy and craving chocolate and sweets and guess what is happening. I am in that lame-duck world of perimenopause and I never quite know what will happen month to month. I got lucky this month because exactly thirty days after the start of my last period I got mine again. I'm regular after a 3 month hiatus. Such is the nature of perimenopause. Sometimes the hormones fire up and go like clockwork and sometimes they don't. My initial response the last two months was happy surprise... really delight that things are working quite nicely. By the second day I am thinking, you know, menopause is not so bad.

I got out the Naproxin and I spent a slow and easy day. The whole "red tent" philosophy made tremendous sense to me today. I had absolutely no interest in going outside. OK, now I am tired of being inside so that will change tomorrow. Maybe that is the beauty of the menstrual cycle. Every once in a while, a woman just needs to rest and eat chocolate. So be it.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
slice of leftover thin crust chicken spinach pizza
half grapefruit
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:00
chili
whole grain pita with baba ghannouj
cocoa
3:00
chocolate with almonds
orange
5:30
turkey burger with honey mustard
6:30
kitchen sink salad with spinach, tomatoes, celery, broccoli, cucumbers and 6 g fat canola based dressing
black bean brownie

Totals: 2 fruits and 5 veggies (and 4 servings of chocolate...oh my!)

Movement: arm resistance training

I want to praise the gush, the hot spring thaw of it, the rivers wild with it. Bodies, our extravagant bodies.
~Ellen Bass

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-09T15:55:00.000-05:00

I didn't feel very good today. I was tired and achy. I made social plans earlier in the week and I didn't feel energy for following through. The plans fell through anyway because of a miscommunication but I didn't find out until I drove to the restaurant. I would have preferred staying home but I was glad I didn't have to rise fully to the social occasion. That is my optimistic assessment of the situation.

I didn't feel good enough to walk either today. It only just occurred to me tonight that I may have benefitted from taking a comfortable chair and blanket into my woods for a short visit. Simply sitting quietly in a favorite grove or in the sun would have helped. I will try to remember that.

Sleep: 7 and a half hours and I woke up in the middle of the night. Broke my good sleeping record.
Vitamins

8:00
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
scrambled eggs (one egg with egg beaters mixed in)
2 c tea
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
orange
1:30
chocolate heaven
5:30 in reataurant
minestrone soup
half a plate sized chicken spinach thin crust pizza
8:00
black bean brownie
good and plenty candy

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
~John Muir

Everybody needs beauty as well as bread, places to play in and pray in where nature may heal and cheer and give strength to the body and soul.
~John Muir

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-08T19:34:00.000-05:00

It poured cats and dogs today so I only did resistance training. I was inspired by my original virtual dinner partner who was a champion weight lifter earlier in her life. She leg pressed 425 pounds today. I will never do anything like that but I was inspired by her report and went and did my resistance training.

I have gotten in three good sessions of resistence training this week. I was falling short in that department for several months.

Hearing what she is doing gives me the momentum and inspiration I need to do my own work. Inspiration is a powerful motivator for me. I cheer her victories and get excited about working toward my own.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal1/3c before cooked
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:30
turkey burger with honey mustard in whole grain wrap
kitchen sink salad (big bowl) with greens peppers, cucumbers, and broccoli with 6 g fat canola based dressing
butternut squash with New Balance
3:00
half an Asian pear
4 prunes
soy crisps
2 tbsps almonds
6:00
turkey chili
whole grain pita with melted soy cheese
sliced tomato
figs
black bean brownie

Totals: 4 fruits and 5 veggies

Movement: Legs for resistance training and core ball exercises.

Just don't give up on trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong.
~Ella Fitzgerald

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-07T19:57:00.000-05:00

I noticed something recently. After a lifetime of not getting enough sleep (6 to 7 hours a night), I finally consistently sleep about 8 hours. Even though I was sleep deprived most of the time, I had to break a habit and work to get better sleep cycles. I feel better.

I ate almonds just before I walked and I didn't have run-away late afternoon appetite today. Little changes can make a real difference. Timing made the difference here.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

9:00
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
1 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:30
white bean and escarole soup with 50% cheese
roasted brussels sprouts
TLC crackers
banana crisps
pear
3:00
2 tbsp almonds
6:30
turkey burger
broccoli
sweet potato with New Balance
kiwi

Totals: 3 veggies and 4 fruits

Movement and Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods and upper body free weight resistance training. Weather was a little cooler today but still warm for the season. I had company in the woods today. Lots of people, dogs, horses and bicyclers were out. I was happy to get back to resistance training for a second time in a given week. I will do leg and core ball training tomorrow.

Think in the morning. Act in the noon. Eat in the evening. Sleep in the night.
~William Blake

Try to learn to breathe deeply, really to taste food when you eat, and when you sleep really to sleep. Try as much as possible to be wholly alive with all your might, and when you laugh, laugh like hell. And when you get angry, get good and angry. Try to be alive. You will be dead soon enough.
~William Saroyan

As a well spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death.
~Leonardo da Vinci

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-06T20:28:00.000-05:00

Still doing battle here. I had an endless snack mid afternoon after walking. It wasn't over the top...just more than I planned.

In the summer, when I am out for long walks or bike rides (25 miles), I take food with me. Usually I have a sliced up apple and a handful of nuts. I abandon the practice in the winter because I just walk and I am not likely to "bonk" or hit metabolism wall. Maybe I need to rethink this. I don't get cement legs like I do with biking after my fuel stores have run out, but I experience an endless appetite.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
eggs and squash (warmed up leftovers...really good!)
whole wheat waffle
blackberries
11:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey
white bean and escarole soup
carrots
3:30
banana crisps
almonds
wheat crackers
grapefruit
5:30
pork loin
roasted brussles sprouts
sweet potato and New Balance
Dr Kracker flat bread
7:30
kiwi

Totals: 4 fruits and 4 veggies

Movement and Meditation: 1 hour and 10 minute walk in the woods in 70 degree weather. I love the warmth but today it was freakish...all the leaves are off the trees and it feels like a warm day in May.

A man's errors are his portals of discovery.
~James Joyce

Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.
~C.S. Lewis

Experience is the name we give to our past mistakes.
~Oscar Wilde

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-05T20:50:00.001-05:00

Today I decided to do battle with hunger so I could manage my food cravings with more success. The strategy worked. I had a non-traditional breakfast. The pork loin is left over from New Year's and needed to be eaten. The waffles are homemade and healthy. I always make extra and freeze them. That gave me a great start. I filled up with a huge salad for lunch and at dinner I got lots of light protein (egg substitute with one yolk) and more veggies. I didn't have any food cravings and I felt full after every meal. That seems a good strategy for me during the winter months. Finally, I had a good day. Lots of veggies and high quality plentiful protein did the trick.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

9:00
pork loin
whole-wheat waffle
clementine
12:00
kitchen sink salad (big bowl) with greens, broccoli, carrots, celery, cottage cheese and 6g fat canola based dressing
6 wheat crackers
banana
1:30
chocolate heaven
6:30
eggs and squash with soy cheese
white bean and escarole soup
sweet potato with New Balance
grapefruit

Totals: 7 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods. It was wonderful to be outside but also weird. It was 60 degrees and the sky was darkly overcast. It was humid and felt like rain was about to happen for the whole walk. I was sweating about 20 minutes after I started.

If you live long enough, you'll make mistakes. But if you learn from them, you'll be a better person. It's how you handle adversity, not how it affects you. The main thing is never quit, never quit, never quit.
~Bill Clinton

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-04T10:24:00.000-05:00

Today wasn't a great day in the meal department. I didn't get enough veggies and my carbohydrate intake was too high. Some days are just losses and I have to get back on the horse right away. My partner in this endeavor recommended I eat more protein to see if that helps with hunger and cravings. I am going to look at some good protein snacks during the next few days. Also I am shopping for more veggies. Resolve is central to this process: small steps, small changes, playing with things to see what works.

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, strawberries, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
1 c black tea
11:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, field greens, honey mustard in whole grain wrap
clementine
4:00
corn chips (too many)
6:00
turkey chili
grapefruit
several cookies

Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods and full body resistance training with free weights, ankle weights, and ball. I am so glad I finally got to my resistance training again. I am sure I will be sore tomorrow but it seems to take on a life of its own when I don't get to it. I feel best when I am lifting regularly. It has unmistakable benefits and still I have such a hard time getting to it.

Resolve to be tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant with the weak and the wrong. Sometime in your life you will have been all of these.
~Dr. Robert H. Goddard

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-03T10:31:00.000-05:00

Another hungry as a bear day. My lunch was not substantial enough and I had social dinner plans. I could have had better snacks today but I have to say I totally enjoyed the cookies I ate tonight. One would have been better than three...but sometimes that's the way things work out.

Dinner was rich but the conversation was even richer. I enjoyed every bite and every word.

Sleep 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, blackberries and clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
kitchen sink salad (big bowl) with greens, celery, carrots, broccoli, shrimp and 50% cheese with 6 g fat canola based dressing
banana crisps
4:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
small handful of chocolate chips
7:00 dinner out
half a turkey reuben
cole slaw
9:00
3 cookies

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: 1 hour and 10 minute walk in the woods. It was so warm it felt like spring. Mud was everywhere.

My own brain is to me the most unaccountable of machinery -always buzzing, humming, soaring roaring diving, and then buried in mud.
~Virginia Woolf

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2007-01-02T18:58:00.000-05:00

Happy 2007!

It is unseasonably warm in New England and that trend will continue for the rest of the week. I do not enjoy frigid weather but I am feeling unsettled with these strange warm days. I chose to live in New England knowing that the winters are long and hard. And here we are with no winter weather. I keep eyeing my snow-shoes in the garage and have yet to use them. By this time last winter, I had snow-shoed several times, and last winter was very mild.

The festive holiday food in my house is almost gone. I have one more social weekend planned this month. I will be sharing several meals with long time friends. Fortunately, they get my struggle to keep my head above water during the winter season when my cravings are in full operation and high calorie celebration food is so plentiful.

Sleep: about 8 and a half hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, blackberries, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
12:00
kitchen sink salad (big bowl) with greens, carrots, celery, sweet red pepper, broccoli and 6 g fat canola based dressing
saffron shrimp (party leftovers)
1/2c sweet potato and apple casserole
pear
4:30
chocolate heaven
10 peanut butter wheat pretzels
6:00
pork loin
raw carrots, celery and broccoli
half a pomegranate

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: 1 hour 50 minute walk in the woods. I took a different route today and visited remote woods. It was good to be out in the sunshine walking the muddy trails.

The new year begins in a snow-storm of white vows.
~George William Curtis

Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.
~Oprah Winfrey

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-30T13:35:00.000-05:00

Another day of "hungry as a bear." I swear it is the weather because it feels like I am eating plenty. Maybe I need more cooked vegetables. It gets cold outside and I feel like my appetite doubles. I went to the grocery store after my late afternoon walk to get a few things for supper. Everything looked good. Even fruit juice which I don't REALLY like. I bought a pack of strong cinnamon gum and I popped in a couple of pieces as soon as I got to the car. It saved me until dinner was prepared.

Slept about 7 hours and up at 6:00
Vitamins
Weight: 188.5

7:00
boiled egg
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
orange
2 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
Dr Kracker flatbread
11:00
deli turkey with pickle and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
broccoli
grapes
almonds (2 tbsp)
1:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:30
white bean and curly endive soup with a little parmesan cheese
Dr Kracker flat bread
apple
cocoa

Totals: 2 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Mediation: walked in the woods for an hour. It was snowing and beautiful and made my walk a joy. I fell crossing the icy road starting out. I need to put Yaktracks on my shoes if the snow stays. I wore more clothes today so I was warm enough to really enjoy being outside.

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather.”
~John Ruskin

I frequently tramped eight or ten miles through the deepest snow to keep an appointment with a beech-tree, or a yellow birch, or an old acquaintance among the pines.
~Henry David Thoreau

Happy New Year everyone! I am taking a couple of days off to celebrate with beloved friends. I'll be writing again in 2007!

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-29T13:13:00.000-05:00

Sleep: 8 and a half hours and up at 8
Vitamins
Weight: 188.5... the truth is out

8:30
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
banana crisps
12:30
deli turkey with lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain pita
apple and 2 tbsp peanuts
3:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:30
grapefruit
6:00
turbot (fish) in carmelized onions and green peppers
broccoli
sweet potato and New Balance
tomato and 3 g fat canola dressing
3 ginger cookies

Totals: 4 veggies and 4 fruits

Movement and Meditation: one hour and ten minute walk in the woods. It was rawly cold today. I need to start wearing more clothes. I was wearing layers but not enough of them.

I am really hungry! I could eat another meal but I am trying to avoid that. It is 9 pm and the kitchen has been closed for a while.

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry.”
~Gary Larson

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-28T16:38:00.000-05:00

I am back after a one week holiday hiatus. I am relieved that most of the dinner dates and parties are over...just a few more to go. The last two days have felt a little more normal. I walked and I ate at home. Also, I wasn't making cookies. I make healthy cookies but they are tremendously appealing as they come out of the oven.

Walking again makes me feel much more alive and my food cravings fall when I get outside regularly. What a relief to have two good walks in two days!

My weight is up a little...won't say how much! I am sure the rich food and lack of exercise are good reasons but I also have not been eating my own low salt cooking and possibly menstrual cycle is playing a role as well. I'll be watching the scales carefully during the next few weeks. I take care of weight gains before they get out of hand. I have a lifetime of lessons in that department. I expect occasional small gains, and I have also learned I need to take care of weight gains while they are small.

Sleep: about 8 and a half hours and up at 7:30
Vitamins

8:00
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
3 c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
2 tbsp unsalted peanuts
12:30
beans and escarole
1 serving of whole grain crackers
mozzarella cheese stick
half an Asian pear
3:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
banana crisps
soy cheese
6:30 (not cooked by me)
veggie stir fry with chicken sausage and pineapple

Totals: 3 veggies and 4 fruits

Movement and Meditation: walk in the woods for and hour and 15 minutes. Cool breezes and sunshine made today perfect for walking.

This is the lesson that history teaches: repetition.
~Gertrude Stein

The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Winter Solstice

2006-12-22T22:39:00.000-05:00

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.
~Bill Watterson

My beloved friend and partner in crime with Virtual Dinner Partner is sleeping tonight on the floor of the Denver airport. A massive snow storm blanketed Colorado with two feet of snow last night. The airport grounded the planes. People are stranded. She has been there since this morning trying to return to New England for a Christmas visit with family and friends. It is the longest night of the year and I am sure it will feel that way to her as the hours pass.

It is the solstice. I always seem to experience winter solstice as a truly welcomed turning point. In my mind we have bottomed out... it is the darkest time of the year and I feel like I can't stand much more night time at five pm.

The truth is I will have to withstand several more weeks of early dark evenings and late sunrise. Also, the cold raw weather will be here for several months. It hasn't hit New England with a vengence this year. I have yet to see a single flake of snow but I am sure it will eventually come.

It's not the snow that gets me, it's the short days, the slant of light, the gray skies. I am sure I must have bear somewhere in my gene pool. Snoozing on the sofa at 7 pm with TV roaring in the background becomes something I worry about. Crawling under the covers with a trashy novel becomes something I look forward to.

Strangely enough, I start to feel the change in season fairly early in the cycle. By Groundhog's day (Candlemas, Imbolc or the half equinox) I can feel my energy returning. The sap starts to rise again. The bear is awakening, getting ready to shake off sleep and lumber out into the world. I feel great optimism knowing this will happen soon. Lux lights will return to the closet and I will want to ride my bicycle and stay active through the day.

Blessings to my friend on the airport floor. This too shall pass.

Spring passes and one remembers one's innocence. Summer passes and one remembers one's exuberance. Autumn passes and one remembers one's reverence. Winter passes and one remembers one's perseverance.
~Yoko Ono

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-21T22:50:00.000-05:00

I ran felt like I did a lot of nothing today and I was busy all day. I finally got my car back from the garage. It had major maintenance work...expensive major maintenance. I am relieved to have the work done but getting car work usually makes me anxious. Mostly the cost makes me anxious. This job took forever too. It took a couple of days and the car was supposed to be done in this morning but they ran into a problem so they weren't done until late today....causing more anxiety. Also making my plans for walking in the woods impossible. That was a major frustration.

My menu choices were uninspired today. Seems I have been eating the same breakfast and lunch for weeks now. I need to make a trip to the grocery store to buy vegetables. I am not getting nearly enough. Too much is happening with holiday plans and my self care is getting squeezed to the side. I need to make it through the next few days and find good ways to stay on course while I do that.

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
clementine
figs
4:30
2 tbsp chocolate chips 2 tbsp peanuts
5:00
beef barley stew
50% cheese
fudgesicle

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
~John Lennon

Tomorrow is the winter solstice and the start of holiday travel and partying. After tomorrow, I will be taking a break for a few days and return sometime next week. Happy Holidays everyone!

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-20T21:15:00.000-05:00

I spent a good part of the day at doctors' offices and fortunately I was not the patient. I am amazed by treatment possibilities. I am also alarmed by the easy attitudes we seem to have toward fixing things that have gone wrong with our bodies. I lived most of my life with habits that were damaging to my health. It didn't seem I actively held the belief that everything was repairable, but I lived as though that were true. It seemed an unconscious belief.

I had a few health scares and numerous warnings from health care professionals. I felt tired and achy most of the time. I also missed activities I loved during my childhood and early adulthood. I made multiple attempts to get active, eat better and feel better. I honestly feel I needed multiple attempts to make sustainable changes. I still don't have a clear path and I always try new approaches to this allusive thing I call "good health." I am in much better shape than I was five years ago but I am still finding my way. I rely more on my own interventions than I do medical care. What a difference that has made in this whole endeavor.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea
12:00
apple
6 almonds
1/4 Tri-lo-plex bar
1:00
deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
3:00
50% cheese
fresh pineapple
corn chips (low fat)
5:00
soy nuggets
broccoli and New Balance
3 figs

Totals: 4 fruits and 2 veggies

I am craving sweets! I ate more fruits than usual (3) but that was better than eating dessert or candy. I don't have rules about what I eat. I try to live within healthy boundaries. Some days are better than others. Today was better than yesterday, but my days visiting my friend last week were better than today. I didn't have any food cravings while I was visiting. That is my ideal situation. I enjoyed an occasional dessert while I was in the Rockies. I was also very active.

Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods. It has been several days since I walked my big wooded loop. It felt good to be here today. I walked at a good clip because I was cold.

Health is the condition of wisdom, and the sign is cheerfulness, -- an open and noble temper.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

He who has health, has hope. And he who has hope, has everything.
~Proverbs

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-19T16:25:00.000-05:00

My car had to go into the shop for some maintenance so I walked a little more than a mile home. When I was visiting my friend in the Rockies, I walked almost every day for transportation. It made me realize how infrequently I do this at home. I drive to almost everything. I even drive to walk, ride my bicycle, or to work out at the YMCA. I am amazed when I really think about this.

Today I didn't get my "real" walk in because my car was not available.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins
8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey with lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
dates and 2 tbsp peanuts
half slice of whole wheat cranberry bread
7:00 at restaurant
spinach salad with a little balsamic vinaigrette dressing
half an individual chicken pesto pizza
several bites blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream

Totals: 3 fruits and 3 veggies

Movement: walked a little more than a mile from auto repair shop to home

It is no use walking anywhere to preach unless our walking is our preaching.
~St. Francis of Assisi

One does not sell the earth upon which the people walk.
~Tashunka Witko 'Crazy horse'

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-18T17:23:00.000-05:00

I am in the throws of lots of activity celebrating and getting ready for the holidays. Between visiting, going to concerts, and meeting friends at restaurants the next two weeks are going to be really full. I need to batten down the hatches and get on a good schedule for exercise. It got crowded out several days in a row. Now's the time to remember who I am and re-engage in what is important to me. I want to start getting ready for some mountains.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce, tomato, honey mustard on whole grain wrap
apple
3:00
dates and peanuts
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:30
home made lentil soup
50% fat cheese slice
Kashi TLC crackers 2 servings
9:00 (at concert)
chocolate

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. The fears are paper tigers. You can do anything you decide to do. You can act to change and control your life; and the procedure , the process is its own reward.
~Amelia Earhart

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-17T22:48:00.000-05:00

I got a flu shot yesterday and I was aching and light-headed today. I was on the road most of the day visiting family so even though I wasn't feeling great I enjoyed the company of people I love.

Sleep about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine and 2 tbsp of walnuts
tiny bran muffin
2 cups of black tea
11:00
string cheese
apple
1:00 (home of family members)
broccoli soup
tuna salad
lettuce
veggie dippers and a little dressing
white bread
cookie
6:00 (restaurant)
chicken
sweet potato
green beans
7:30
date orange bread
cocoa

Totals: 2 fruits and 4 veggies

Life is the first gift, love is the second, and understanding the third.
~Marge Piercy

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-16T14:50:00.000-05:00

I left home early this morning for a conference on global warming. It seems odd to write about it in Virtual Dinner Partner, which focuses on health but I think global warming is another manifestation of unbalanced energy consumption. I see similar patterns of denial and confusion about how to deal with these dilemmas. Both are tremendously complex and multifaceted.

Some patterns of consumption seem rather straight forward...SUV's are bad for the environment as are super-sized fast food servings for our bodies but the day to day little stuff can seem confusing. Do I need to take vitamins? Should I turn out the lights when I leave the room?

What really makes a difference? What sustainable changes can I make? How do I land these changes so I can follow through with relative ease on a daily basis? What outlay of resources do I need to make? Should I buy a more energy efficient refrigerator? Should I hire a trainer so I keep moving?

We have well established unquestioned ways of living that impact not only our personal lives, but the lives of everyone around us. I have thinking a lot lately about the intersection of health and ecology. Can I eat meat from factory farms now that I understand the ecological impact of these farming practices? Is this meat healthy to eat in the first place? Can I turn a blind eye to the animals who become our food sources?

I have lots of questions and confusion. It seems there are not many easy, straight forward answers when I really start to ask questions and do the research.

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
clementine
one yolk and egg beaters omlette
tiny bran muffin
10:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
a few swallows of orange juice
1:00 at restaurant
crab cakes
bread
lettuce & tomato
mixed steamed veggies
2:30
chocolate covered pretzels
chocolate heaven
7:00
beans and escarole soup
chocolate covered espresso beans
corn chips
prunes

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies
Rest day: I took a 2 hour nap and I feel like I finally caught up on my sleep. Food cravings have been getting the best of me and I think tiredness has been a factor.

What is the answer? In that case, what is the question?
~Gertrude Stein

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-15T14:45:00.000-05:00

Weekly recap: This week was unusual because I was out of town visiting my original virtual dinner partner. She became my actual dinner partner for the week. We had fun cooking together, and cooking for each other. The experience has me thinking I would enjoy getting together with other friends to cook favorite healthy recipes.

I frequently go to dinner parties. The intention behind our meals together felt different from that...we introduced favorite staples from everyday menus. I had a long period of vegetarianism in my early adulthood so I had fun making bean dishes and Middle Eastern favorites. I was treated with her down-home eggs and squash which I loved. We did not delve for a single minute into "diet head" eating...we had satisfying, full-bodied, healthy, balanced meals.

My friend is a consummate athlete and it was good for me to be surrounded by that way of living. She bikes for transportation, works out in a gym (weights) and runs regularly. I walked a lot while I was visiting. Some of my walking was transportation, some was hiking, some was sight-seeing. At home, I try to walk daily but my intention is to spend time in the woods and to get some movement in my day. The utilitarian transportation element is missing from my walks. I enjoyed that while I visited. People in that part of the country frequently rely on muscle powered transportation. The city I was visiting is set up for easy, safe pedestrian and bike traffic. Athletic clothing is seen everywhere. The population is lean and healthy. I was struck by that my first day in town. Obesity is not as widespread as it is back east. I wonder what my body history would be if I spent my life there.

I want to climb some mountains. The taste I got hiking the outskirts of town whetted my appetite for more. I am excited about getting in shape to do that. My friend is going to research possibilities. Now I need to get stronger.

Sleep: about 8 hours. Sleep still a little confused - not sure what time zone I am in. I was going to bed late and getting up early in Rockies. Now I am going to bed late and getting up tired and late. It is reckoning time and my guess is I will settle in the next few days.
Vitamins

9:00
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsps walnuts
2 c black tea
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
2 prunes and 1 date
pretzel chips (1 serving)
2:00 tired and wanting to sleep
banana
chocolate covered espresso beans (2 tbsp)
6:00
beef barley soup (homemade)
cocoa

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies. I need to go shopping for vegetables. When I am not cooking they do not show up nearly as frequently in family meals.

Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods. Walked at fast pace. I still marvel at the altitude difference. Air was balmy and warm. Sun was setting.

If you have one true friend you have more than your share.
~Thomas Fuller

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-14T14:05:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I spent the whole day flying across the country to return home. This amounted to hours on shuttles, airplanes and in airports. I had an unexpected additional leg to my trip when my flight was diverted to another airport because fog limited visibility. Tracking was nearly impossible. My "exercise" was walking to terminals and with all the changes in time zones I'm not sure when I ate.

I packed a soy cheese sandwich, fruit, peanuts and a Tri-lo-plex bar. I had non-fat frozen yogurt and late night M&M's from a vending machine when I realized I was not going to get any dinner and I had a 2 hour bus trip ahead of me. Life steps in sometimes and messes up the best made plans. I took that experience as an additional adventure tacked on to a nearly perfect week. I had to make do with vending machine snacks but I got to talk with strangers about their travels. Somehow it wasn't as disappointing as I anticipated.

My body is confused today. I never quite made the sleep transition to Rocky Mountain time but I did make the meal transition. I am hungry later. I am also very tired which kicks off my food cravings. My afternoon snacks reflect that. Those prunes tasted really good. Carbohydrates call when I am tired.

Sleep: about 8 hours & up at 9
Weight: 187
Vitamins

11:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange and 2 tbsp walnuts
tiny bran muffin
2 c black tea
11:30
half serving of banana chips
12:30
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
grapes
fig
small slice of whole wheat banana bread
4:30
2 prunes
Dr Kracker flat bread
handful of chocolate chips
6:30
white bean and escarole soup with grated Parmesan cheese
clementine
cocoa

Totals: 6 fruits and 2 veggies

Movement and Meditation: one hour and ten minute walk in the woods. I felt like I was flying. I moved quickly up hills without gasping for breath. I experienced my everyday walk in a different frame of reference after experiencing the elevation of the Rocky Mountains. I also felt like I was in my back yard. There were no breath-taking vistas. Still, I love these small woods.

Reading about nature is fine, but if a person walks in the woods and listens carefully, he can learn more than what is in books, for they speak with the voice of God.
~George Washington Carver

On Top of the World!

2006-12-13T00:42:00.000-05:00

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-12T08:07:00.000-05:00

Today is my last day near the Rocky Mountains. I walked to town to get a good last look and to eat lunch at a favorite restaurant. I wanted to get the full strength "urban" experience in a city that promotes outdoor sports and muscle powered transportation. It was cold and windy today but it felt really good to be out walking around.

The week has flown. I return home tomorrow. I have a new resolve to stay active and get stronger because I want so much more. My first taste of the Rocky Mountains opened a door for me. My big question is what next? I'm definitely climbing a big mountain out here next summer.

Sleep: not sure but I got up at 5:30 this morning
Vitamins

6:00
homemade whole grain muffin
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 c black tea
1:00 at restaurant
udon noodle salad with tofu
7:00
white bean and escarole soup
eggplant casserole
Asian pear
whole grain bar, few bites of chocolate

Movement and Meditation:
Walked about an hour and a half along paved creek trail.

Resolve and thou art free.
~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-11T23:27:00.000-05:00

It was Middle Eastern day with my meals. Dinner was planned but lunch happened spontaneously and it was sublime. I am amazed by how pleasing some foods can be. Finding the perfect felafel sandwich was a source of true joy for me today.

Sleep: about 7 hours & up at 6:30
Vitamins

7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
1/3c oatmeal
3 c black tea
10:00 chocolate heaven
12:00
homemade bran muffin
2:00 in restaurant
felafel sandwich on whole grain wrap
apple
7:00
sleek* and yogurt
whole wheat pita
baba ghannouj
pear

*if you want to know what this is see "Sleek" in November '06 archives

Totals: 3 fruits and 3 veggies

Movement and Meditation: walked on paved trail along brook.

Our spontaneous action is always the best. You cannot, with your best deliberation and heed, come so close to any question as your spontaneous glance shall bring you.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-10T09:34:00.000-05:00

I am feeling leg muscles today and it feels good! Our hike yesterday has me wanting more. I am amazed by the power of altitude. What would have been a happy, easy hike in New England became a challenge here. At another time in my life I would have felt discouraged by my experience. I loved it yesterday...loved breathing hard and feeling my heart pound. What I used to experience as work, I experience as feeling alive.

The moutain vista were sublime. Tears welled up on first sight. I felt like I was looking at the top of the world.

Sleep: about 6 hours & up at 6
Vitamins
6:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:30
soy cheese, hummus, lettuce and sprouts on whole wheat bread
potato chips and onion dip
clementine
3:00
Cliff Z bar
6:30
sushi
9:00
soft serve ice cream cone

Totals: 2 fruits and 2 veggies

To know what you prefer instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you ought to prefer is to have kept your soul alive.
~Robert Louis Stevenson

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-09T09:43:00.000-05:00

Sleep: not sure, maybe 5 and a half hours & up at 6
Vitamins
7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
black tea (2 cups)
12:00
deli turkey, hummus, alfalfa sprouts, & soy cheese on whole wheat bread
lentil soup
3:00
apple
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:00
cheese ravioli dish
rolls
black bean brownie

Movement and Meditation: hiked in the Rocky Mountains with my friend. No schedule....actually I'm not sure how long we were out. Saw sublime white capped mountains. The altitude caused breathing difficulties for me but hiking was perfect.

What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly.
~Albert Einstein

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-08T09:36:00.000-05:00

My weekly recap will be brief. This was a week of major activity and deep personal reflection. I went to a memorial service for someone who was a quiet presence in my life for fifteen years. While I feel the loss of her physical manifestation, I still feel her presence. It shows up in the ways I see the world and the people who surround me. She inpired me and in many ways "held a space" so I could better step into my life. To me, this is the best life has to offer.

I am presently in the Rocky Mountains visiting another loved one who similarly inspires me. She too holds that space.

I have a handful of special people who seem to have have materialized as gifts from the universe. They have evoked some kind of unfolding in me. I have become more of myself having known them.

This has been in the front of my mind during the last week. Sometimes I lose track of the details as I pay attention to deeper ground. This has been one of those weeks.

Sleep: 6 hours and up at 5
Vitamins
6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple, 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
3 cups black tea
10:30 hiking in the mountains
whole wheat banana bread
clementine
1:30
deli turkey, hummus, soy cheese, and lettuce on whole wheat bread
3:30
clementine
black tea
7:00
eggs and squash
sweet potato and New Balance
10:00
2 dark chocolates
a few sips of mead

Movement and Meditation: hiking in the mountains. I have no idea about time or distance. This hike was more about meditation than movement. I was moving and breathing for a good long time but the details were not a focus of the experience. I was present to the stunning magnificence that surrounded me.

Every heart sings a song, incomplete, until another heart whispers back.
~Plato

Awakening

2006-12-08T08:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I was browsing in a bookstore and I ran across a funny little book. It was small and thick and contained photographs of everything the author ate in 2005. I found a chair and sat down to take a good look. I was captivated and amused. Imagine that: a year in the life of someone's tastebuds, teeth, stomach, and beyond....all in living color.

The book struck a chord. As I talk with my friends about Virtual Dinner Partner, I speak with a touch of irony. "My nutty project"...yes, nuts show up on a daily basis and frankly, this project feels a little screwy. It is also compelling.

After a couple of nights with eight o'clock rolling around, and no posting yet, I called my endeavor "the damn blog." My original virtual dinner partner asked if that's what my postings had become. I started to wonder if writing daily was becoming a chore....maybe, on some days.

So why am I writing it? Frankly, I really don't know. Momentum has stepped into the process...habit too. It's become something I do.

Some days I imagine people out there judging what I am doing....girl diet head paranoia rears her ugly head. Someone asked me if I am trying to be a good role model for healthy living and weight loss. I can't even get my hands around that. Some days I feel I am a great anti-example.

Virtual Dinner Partner is just a ground level reflection of one of the ways I inhabit my life...in words..not living color.

An outgrowth of this practice is that my awareness seems heightened. From this ground of awareness, I feel I am awakening.

Virtual Dinner Partner feels like much more than a food diary. But then there is that old maxim, "you are what you eat."

Maybe as I become more aware about how I am living on a very basic level, I am becoming more conscious about who I am.

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-07T22:21:00.000-05:00

I think I am feeling the effects of altitude. My thought is so fuzzy I feel addlebrained. Also, I am achy which has me wondering if I am getting a cold. I'm praying it is altitude because I am in heaven. I looked out the kitchen window this morning and saw the Rocky Mountains. The view took my breath away. I can't wait to hike this weekend. I am assuming I'll adjust to the altitude but a cold is a different story.

I am downing Airborn and Echinacea and hoping for the best.

Sleep: I am caught between time zones so I am not sure. Maybe 7 hours.
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp of walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
4 cups black tea
12:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
clementine
black tea
2:00 ate at restaurant
salad with tofu, and goats cheese with field greens and viniagrette
black tea
7:00
home made lentil soup
bread
tossed salad and soy oil based dressing
pomegranate and few bites of fresh pineapple

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and Meditation: walked easy pace along beautiful stream path. It was an untimed joy walk.

With an eye made quiet by the power of harmony, and the deep power of joy, we see into the life of things.
~William Wordsworth

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-06T23:34:00.000-05:00

On the road all day most of the time poured into the tiny space allowed for airplane seats. Six plus hours to be exact. Movement (the focus for this week)has become notably absent. Today was a breaking point. I was crazy with inactivity. I feel exhausted from travelling but I can't wait to hike a few miles after a good night of sleep.

I packed food for my trip. It was a great strategy. Not only did I avoid hiked up airport prices but I knew exactly what I was eating. I had a couple of airplane snacks but my packed choices were so much better.

Sleep: 7 hours & up at 6
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese and grapes
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
2 cups black tea
10:30
small handful of peanuts
1:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
apple
Sun Chips
2:30
celery and carrot sticks, grape tomatoes with hummus
4:30
whole wheat banana bread
9:00 dinner out
black bean and lentil hummus
tofu pot stickers
artichoke guacamole
bruchetta
pita bread
black bean soup

In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost.
~Dante Alighieri

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-05T20:51:00.000-05:00

"Let me be a good animal today," Barbara Kingsolver's prayer for days when life or the world is demanding was my guide post. I squeezed a lot in and I didn't have time to make it to the woods for my walk. I missed walking the last few days and now I definitely feel it. Anxiety starts to creep back in. Tiredness too.

I am really excited because I am traveling to a new part of the country tomorrow. Preparations have consumed my time and energy but I look forward to this journey. I am planning to spend lots of time outside in the next week. It is absolutely what I need.

Sleep: 5 hours & up at 5
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, clementine and walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
3 cups black tea
9:30
chocolate heaven
11:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
12:30
chicken breast and lettuce in whole wheat wrap
banana
3:30
licorice
7:00
salmon
salad and 6g fat olive oil dressing
green beans
sweet potato
baked apple

Totals: 3 fruits and 2 veggies

Keep close to Nature's heart...and break clear away, once in awhile, and climb a mountain or spend a week in the woods. Wash your spirit clean.
~John Muir

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-04T10:34:00.000-05:00

I feel raw today, something I haven't felt for a while. Yesterday I was on an emotional roller coaster. I was with people I love honoring the life of a beloved friend who died. I felt both full and spent at the end of the day.

I am preparing to travel this week to see someone I love. I haven't been away in over a year so getting ready seems challenging. I can't find things, I'm not sure what to take, lots needs to be done on a time line.

I am worried about something and not sure what to do next to take care of it. I am not sure who to ask for help either.

This list is simply the stuff of life. When I read the list I feel blessed because I see first that I am surrounded by people I love. Still, what I feel right now is the rev of anxiety. I am tired and want to take a nap. I feel torn; there are errands to run, phone calls to make, suitcases to pack. I want to feel full of energy, centered, and relaxed but I am left with rawness and doubt. Will I get everything done? Will I get good information?

I want to face life knowing there is loss, there are challenges and questions. I want to do this with a minimum of doubt. Do I dream the impossible? Maybe. But I need to keep that desire alive as a beacon for better coping skills and less stress as I go through everyday life.

Sleep: 7 hours & up at 6:45
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
veggie soup and 50% cheese
TLC crackers (1 serving)
clementine
3:30
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
5:00
whole wheat banana bread
6:30
whole wheat pasta with cheese sauce and tomatoes
spinach
half a pomegranate

Totals: 3 fruits and 4 veggies

Doubt is a pain too lonely to know that faith is his twin brother.
~Kahlil Gibran

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.
~Albert Einstein

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-03T21:11:00.000-05:00

I was out for most of the day at a Memorial Service for a beloved friend. There are days when I say Barbara Kingsolver's prayer "Let me be a good animal today." Let me remember that I am a living being and I want to consciously live in a way that promotes life. Today was a day to live that prayer.

Today was tender, sad and sweet. I was with "my people" honoring the life of someone we all adored.

Sleep: 7 hours and up at 7
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, 2 clementines and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 c black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
1/2 Tri-lo-plex bar
1:00 (at restaurant)
1/2 turkey wrap sandwich
green beans
few bites of cole-slaw
4:00
sesame cookie
small meatball
6:00 (really hungry)
chicken breast meat, whole grain wrap, lettuce
butternut squash
grapes
fudgesicle
zucchini bread
handful of chocolate covered espresso beans

Totals: 3 fruits and 4 veggies

To my old brown earth, and to my old blue sky
I'll now give these last few molecules of "I."
And you who sing, and you who stand nearby,
I do charge you not to cry.
Guard well our human chain,
Watch well you keep it strong,
As long as sun will shine.
And this our home, keep pure and sweet and green,
For now I'm yours and you are also mine.
~Pete Seeger

Pine Grove

2006-12-02T16:43:00.000-05:00

Today I had to call my walk short because the sun was setting and I didn't have my headlamp with me. I took a detour from my regular big loop through the woods past a stand of trees I haven't visited in a long time. That grove is special to me.

More than fifteen years ago, I was in a terrible place in my life. I had passed a huge professional landmark and people were singing my praises. I wanted to share their enthusiasm but I felt completely depleted, sapped of my energy and drive. The emptiness drove me to psychotherapy which helped some, but didn't help enough. I felt wrung of my life.

I made changes. I took part time temporary work and started exploring areas I had never looked into before: lecture series, fun classes, church, singing groups. I started swimming in a small lake and found myself feeling better. After a few weeks I was swimming outside the ropes into the lake with the distance swimmers. Something lifted in me.

The seasons shifted and it got too cold to swim. I started walking. I walked alone which broke a cultural rule...women are not supposed to go alone into the woods. I felt my well being, really my life depended on those walks.

I was extremely overweight at the time (obese according to the Body Mass Index) and without the gravity erasing effects of the water I found myself tired after walking the small loop I used to travel. I found a special grove of trees. I broke another rule. I stepped off the path and entered the grove. I sat quietly at the end of several of my walks.

Deeper woods called. There was something about the light. I found a grassy depression in the ground ringed by pine trees. I sat, softened my eyes, relaxed my vigilance about being alone in the woods. After a while I felt clear.

I returned another time carrying a small nylon tarp. I looked around carefully making sure I was alone and I slipped off-trail to my grassy depression. I spread out the tarp and lay on it and closed my eyes. I drifted into an altered presence, taking in forest sounds. I felt safe. I felt wrung of my sorrows.

I returned again and again and over time felt an inner sounding, a sense of oneness in that bed of grasses, the ring of trees.

I realize now I was meditating in my grove. I have since had instruction and experience with that state of presence. I have to add however, that particular wooded temple brought me to a place I only experience in nature.

I have new special places and I have a few special others with whom I share the experience.

I walk the same woods but I travel a much longer loop which doesn't pass my special grove except on days I am caught short on time or daylight. Maybe that was my blessing today.

Can place hold prayer? That describes my experience all those years ago. I am grateful for the solace and inner knowing I found in that bed and those trees.

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-02T10:14:00.000-05:00

I am shifting focus this week away from meals. In my everyday life I continue to pay attention but for the blog I will limit commentary. This week I want to turn the lens toward movement.

Movement fires me up. I have made my most profound changes on this front in the last five years. It's where I really wanted to step back into my life. I felt major losses during the two decades I became inactive.

I avoid using the word exercise because it harkens back to middle school years of jumping jacks counted aloud by Miss Shelton while she filed her nails. I have never been able to stay on any exercise program for more than a few days. I don't use the word sports either mainly because I've never seen myself as a sports person. I love being outside. I love hiking, swimming, snowshoeing,cross country skiing and sculling. I guess those could be called sports but somehow that word doesn't work for me. Movement is my default word. I couple it frequently with meditation because the activities I chose evoke that for me frequently.

I do resistance training and when I am totally honest I have to say I experience it as exercise. I avoid calling it that so I can forget the association. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn't. Actually on a good day I have to admit I actually enjoy resistance training about 10 or 15 minutes after starting.

Sleep: about 5 hours and up at 5
Vitamins

6:00
nf cottage cheese, clementine, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)

10:00
chocolate heaven

12:00
deli turkey and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
small apple

2:00
roasted edadame (small handful)

3:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar

7:00
roast chicken
tossed salad with 3 g fat dressing (olive oil)
roast carrots
sweet potato
butternut squash
half a pomegranate

Totals: 3 fruits and 4 veggies

Movement and Meditation: Late afternoon walk in the woods... I had to shorten my walk because the sun was setting. Brisk winds and substantial temperature drop made the walk fun. Leaves flew through the air and I walked a good clip to stay warm. I almost always walk alone and I love being immersed in wildness, even if it is a simple stand of trees and few gusts of wind. I feel like I come alive. I feel so much better today since the sun returned. I loved watching it set behind the trees.

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you, and the storms their energy, while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.”
~John Muir

Friday Recap

2006-12-01T21:48:00.000-05:00

It's Friday again and I have to say it wasn't the greatest week for self care but that is how it goes...some weeks are better than others.

A lot was happening this week. I ate out three times and had one carry out meal. I usually eat my own simply prepared meals. There were lots of cooks stirring the pot in my life this week. I enjoy an occasional dinner out with special people and that was true for two of the meals. The other two meals were for convenience.

I focused on meal location, hunger and saiety (fullness) this week. The results are difficult to assess. Hari hachi bu the Okinawan practice of eating until 80% full was my guideline. "10 til full" is challenging for me to identify. I will continue paying attention and report occasionally.

I will walk a middle path with this practice. Some meals are functional, especially when I have limited time and I simply need to fuel up for what is happening in my day. Hari hachi bu and the state of mindfulness required is my long term focus.

I found eating at the table definitely helps with mindfulness. I will continue to work to do that at least once a day.

I walked 4 hours and 20 minutes and I didn't do any resistance training. Again, some weeks slip by and I do less. During the next weeks, I plan to get my winter resistance training under way and I want to walk more. I will be spending next week with my friend who truly inspires me this way. I am sure our time together will jump start my enthusiasm. Tracking this area will become more descript.

I will be in the Rocky Mountains for the first time. I am sure I will feel inspired to explore mountain terrain after visiting that area of the country. I hope to decide about my new hiking boots soon.

My focus started with meals with Blogger Virtual Dinner Partner...that is where I started with my original partner but we quickly moved to much broader areas of our lives. The 'meal' focus holds true to the broader context. A meal satisfies appetite. I consciously chose that word as I was looking at saiety.

I also see appetite on a broader scale than stomach fullness. A meal is one of many opportunities to experience fullness and satisfaction in a whole life sense.

Frequently, broader satisfaction is what I am looking for when I turn to food. I believe the glory of life can be celebrated in that context in a way that promotes health. I am finding my way even though the path is not always clear.

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-12-01T10:57:00.000-05:00

Sleep: about 8 hours
Vitamins

8:00
At the table, not very hungry to start and not full when I finished.

boiled egg
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea

11:00
Walking around doing things. Slightly hungry to start and satisfied finishing. But I have to say it went down fast and I didn't enjoy it as much as I might have.

yogurt blender drink (1 c plain nf yogurt with frozen peaches)

1:30
At table, definitely hungry and "10 til full" in the end.

turkey, sliced tomatoes and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
banana chips

4:00
All over the place and snacking. A little hungry but mostly blind unaware eating.

Dr Kracker flat bread
2 whole wheat fig newtons
handful of chocolate chips
more banana chips

This is one of my YIKES episodes..not good...but fairly contained compared to day long eating binges I used to engage in. I try to look at these episodes with compassion and figure out what is going on. I can't always stop even with awareness. I am tired and today is another gray day. The lux light and time outside today didn't provide what I seem to get from sunlight. Also, this has been a stressful week personally. Stress and lack of sunlight are two of my triggers. The cabinets are not full with the right types of food and there is lots of "trouble" food around. I am communicating about location problems (Tootsie pops on the dining room table are gone) but the cabinet is full of cookies, and other problem foods. The ideal situation for me at this time of year is to have only ideal food in the house...and a well stocked assortment. I have other people to consider who do not share the same needs. So I need to learn new strategies. Oh well..this IS contained. And every situation like this is an opportunity to practice and learn. My path is about imperfection and a middle path with no right and wrong.

6:00
Not hungry but wanted to eat a simple dinner and close the kitchen. Ate sitting cross legged on the sofa.

boiled shrimp and cocktail sauce
grapes

Totals: 3 fruits and 1 veggie.

Movement and Meditation: One hour walk in the woods....warm soft balmy air, dark skies, and a few good breezes...oh how I needed to be outside. It is supposed to rain later today. I could really feel the humidity.

I am a frayed and nibbled survivor in a fallen world, and I am getting along. I am aging and eaten and have done my share of eating too. I am not washed and beautiful, in control of a shining world in which everything fits, but instead am wondering awed about on a splintered wreck I've come to care for, whose gnawed trees breathe a delicate air, whose bloodied and scarred creatures are my dearest companions, and whose beauty bats and shines not in its imperfections but overwhelmingly in spite of them...
~Annie Dillard

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-30T12:28:00.000-05:00

I didn't feel great today. I feel like I am throwing off something, a cold maybe? Symptoms were low energy, sleeping long, achiness. Sometimes I push through these things by taking easy walks but today it felt better to drop everything and stay close to home. I took ibuprophen for achiness. It's another gray day.

Not feeling great didn't seem to cut back my appetite however. I ate more than I wanted. Nothing I ate was unhealthy however I could have done with less.

Sleep: almost 9 hours
Vitamins
Weight: 187
Lux light: about an hour

8:00
Old habits die hard. I found myself halfway through breakfast, on the sofa, reading an article, under the lux light. Multi-tasking is a way of life for me. Mindful eating is not. I laughed and continued my breakfast. I was hungry starting out and well, to tell the truth I finished every bite of my breakfast but I didn't notice how full I felt. I'm back to measuring too. I realized that when I came to my senses sitting on the sofa. I measured breakfast without thinking.

1/2c nf cottage cheese, half diced apple, and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea

10:30
Sat at table and sipped. I felt satisfied finishing.

chocolate heaven

12:30
At table and "5 past full" when done. I have trouble wasting food. I tend to finish what I serve myself. I need to think of new ways of approaching this if I want to be mindful about fullness.

veggie soup
deli turkey on whole grain wrap

3:00
At the table, on a plate. I was slightly hungry and satisfied by this snack

home made whole wheat banana bread

4:00
Not hungry but wanting something to eat. Walking around.
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
banana

7:00
Ate out. Not very hungry but needed to eat "real" dinner.
cup of black bean soup
salad with chicken breast and light dressing
few bites of whole grain bread

8:00
Not hungry but it was one of those in my face situations. Freshly baked and on the counter. This is a bad time of year for me to have sweet carbs around. I have trouble walking away.

whole wheat zucchini bread

The woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best.
~Henry Van Dyke

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-29T13:27:00.000-05:00

I don't like to live with my eyes focused on the numbers AND I do pay attention to them as only a single measure of how I am doing. My weight is up today. I swing into motion by tightening the reigns a little when this happens.

There were years when I had no idea how much I weighed but that has changed in the last decade as I have tried to make sustainable life changes that impact my health. Recent research shows that people who have maintained a long term weight loss weigh themselves frequently. In the spirit of maintaining my changes I keep tabs on my weight several times a week.

Sleep: 7 hours & up at 7
Vitamins
Weight: 188

8:00
Ate at set table. Slightly hungry to start and satisfied finishing.

1/2c nf cottage cheese, half an apple, and 2 tbsp walnuts
2 c black tea

10:00
Walking around doing things, sipping as I went. Very busy day planned and I didn't want to get hungry. I wasn't hungry but I completely enjoyed it. Felt satisfied and not full finishing.

chocolate heaven

12:30
Ate at set table, a little hungry starting and satisified but not full finishing.

turkey veggie soup with 1/2c Kashi pilaf grains and 50% cheese added
1/2c nf plain yogurt with 1 cup frozen blueberries blended in

5:00
Not a table meal. I was running around getting ready to go out. Enjoyed dinner but lost many of the details. Hungry starting out but I didn't even notice the end of the meal let alone how full I felt.

sleek* with plain nf yogurt
baba ghannouj and whole grain pita
brocoli
celery
2 tbsp peanuts
*if you don't know what sleek is check 11/06 archives

Totals: 2 fruits and 4 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour walk in the woods. Gray raw day. It feels like winter is on the way. Geese circling.

“To understand the heart and mind of a person, look not at what he has already achieved, but at what he aspires to.”
~Kahlil Gibran

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-28T11:12:00.000-05:00

Extremely dark cloudy day. Several scheduling factors prevented me from walking today. This is a not a good combination for me. I tend to stray and eat more sweets or carbs than I would like under these circumstances This wasn't a major problem today, but it showed up. Overall, I had a good day. I had a wonderful dinner with my friend who is in town for a few days.

Sleep: about 8 hours & up at 7
Vitamins

8:00
Breakfast was unconventional but it called to me. Sat at a cleared dining room table and ate from a bowl I love. I was hungry starting out and stopped feeling satisfied. I didn't eat all the chicken.

Greek salad with grilled chicken breast, goat cheese, and small drizzle of dressing
sweet potato
3 cups of black tea

12:00
At the table, with nice table-ware. Slightly hungry and "5 til full" when done.

Veggie soup with soy cheese
Homemade whole wheat banana bread

2:00
Sightly hungry starting out and satisfied when done. Walking around while drinking.

chocolate heaven

6:00
Social dinner at my favorite diner. I was hungry starting and satisfied finishing. Special people definitely make meals special. I got a confirming dose of synergy tonight.

tofu and veggie stir fry with brown rice
a couple of bites of pumpkin pie

10:00
Not hungry. Candy is on the table. I call these snacks "not mine" but sometimes I am susceptible to eating this stuff when it is in eyesight. It needs to be moved.
It's not that I am adverse to occasional sweets, I like to plan them and I prefer not to eat them late at night. Amounts were not huge however pumpkin pie was enough in the sweets department. Ate them watching TV.

fat free sugar free fudgesicle
2 tootsie pops

Totals: 7 veggies

The key is to keep company only with people who uplift you, whose presence calls forth your best.
~Epictetus

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-27T10:32:00.000-05:00

This business of writing about meal location makes me feel sheepish. It's like admitting I am wearing pajamas at 2 pm. I will write about this only for the week. It gives the blog a glass house quality which I can tolerate only briefly. It's interesting to consider and makes me wonder about other people. How formal are people for most meals?

Sleep: 8 and a half hours and up at 7
Vitamins
Weight: 186

7:30
Mixed diced apples and walnuts with remaining cottage cheese in its container. Ate at dining room table surrounded by Thanksgiving platters, racks and serving implements that are ready for kitchen storage. I was slightly hungry and completely enjoyed every bite of this mixture. I was not quite full enough so I continued with oatmeal which I ate from a bowl I really like. I sat cross legged on the living room sofa to eat. I was satisfied and felt about "10 til full."

cottage cheese, diced Fuji apple and walnuts
oatmeal (ok, I measured it without thinking...1/3c before cooked)
3 cups black tea

10:00
Drank this walking around and talking. It tasted great at first but lost track of it as the conversation continued. I was slightly hungry starting out and satisfied after the last swallows.

chocolate heaven

12:30
Ate lunch in three different sittings. I was hungry starting out. Ate round one on the living room sofa with my legs stretched out. I love cheese toast. It is the ultimate comfort food and somehow eating it with my legs stretched out on the sofa makes sense. On one level, it seems the epitome of sloth, on another, it's good living. Soup (round two): again, I was on the sofa but sitting up properly. Ate from a nice bowl. The grapefruit was peeled and sectioned in the kitchen, placed in a nice bowl and eviscerated from its membranes back on the sofa. Messy eating, but sometimes I need to go primal with grapefruit instead of eating it properly with a spoon. Excellent lunch! I was "5 past full" when I was done but I feel like I ate within reasonable limits. Just feeling fuller than hari hachi bu.

soy cheese melted on whole wheat pita
home made veggie soup
grapefruit

3:00
In the car, driving, before a hike. I really wasn't hungry but I hate to run out of steam (bonking) when I am hiking or biking. When extended exertion is called for, I fuel up with balanced snacks before I start and if I am out for several hours, I eat something along the way.

half a Tri-lo-plex bar

6:00
On the sofa again for dinner. Need to clear the table. I realize that I need to look at this pattern and work to include at least one "high meal" a day with nice table settings and a little more formality. I am informal in most of my life patterns but I appreciate that attention to detail may help with mindfulness. Slightly hungry to start and "5 past full" in the end.

turkey
broccoli
sweet potato and New Balance
3 figs

Totals: 3 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and meditation: one hour walk in the woods. Mild weather and moderate cloud cover. Geese circling today. I love watching them fly in formation.

Lord bless this mess
cos' we think it best
to make it short and sweet ah, bon appetite'
Good bread, good meat,
good God, let's eat!

Rub'a dub'a dub
Oh, Thanks for the grub!
~Terry Scott Taylor

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-26T18:54:00.000-05:00

I continue focusing on and tracking hunger and saiety. I didn't try as hard today and focused more on noting sensation. Also, I am trying a new angle in tracking: where I am eating my meals. I wonder if any patterns will emerge from this level of detail?

I spent the day with a friend I have known for more than 30 years. I fully enjoyed both her company and the meal I had with her. It seems synergy gets set in motion in these situations. Time spent with loved ones is enhanced with good food AND food tastes better in good company. Special people make meals special.

Sleep: about 8 hours & up at 7
Vitamins
Weight: 186
Meditation: 10 mintes sitting

8:00 (eyeballed servings were probably equivalent to my measured ones. I ate every last morsel. I was hungry starting out and with fairly slow paced eating satisfied in the end. Ate in the living room while sitting on the sofa).

nf cottage cheese, tangerine, Kashi pilaf grains, walnuts
2 cups black tea

12:00 (fully enjoyed meal at pleasant restaurant with very old friend. We lingered over conversation and I ate until I was full).

mushroom omlette
home fried potatoes
2 cups tea

6:00 (slightly hungry - I probably could have waited another half hour but I didn't want to eat too late. Ate in the living room with bowl on my lap. Wasn't focused on meal).

turkey veggie soup
veggie dippers and baba ghannouj
fresh pineapple

Totals: 6 veggies and 2 fruits
Movement: 20 minutes walking

I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy.
~Charles R. Swindoll

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-25T21:40:00.000-05:00

Tracking hunger and saiety (medical term for fullness) is more difficult than one might imagine (at least for me). It comes down to mindful eating. I have been eating for a lifetime. Also, I have experience with meditation and focus. I was as honest here as I could be and I feel like I am learning to do something entirely new that doesn't come easily. The task that lies before me is to wait until I am hungry and eat mindfully so that I am aware (and grateful) of what I am having and stopping just short of being full. Here's how today went. I felt like I was skiing for the first time and I spent more time lying in the snow than skiing.

Sleep: about 8 hours and up at 7
Vitamins

8:00 (hungry starting out but got caught up in engaging conversation and lost track of fullness..not stuffed by breakfast, just noticed conversation more than what I was eating..my thought was where did that go?)
boiled egg
whole wheat toast and New Balance
half a grapefruit
10:00 (wanted it...a little hungry too and I felt satisfied finishing it)
chocolate heaven
12:00 (sat at table alone, was slightly hungry starting out but got lost in thoughts mid-meal and lost track of eating, felt satified and not too full at end of meal but my thought again was where did that go?)
turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole grain wrap
raw veggie dippers with baba ghannouj
pear
3:00 (on walk, had it along, was a little hungry so I ate it. Have to say I totally enjoyed it but was I REALLY hungry? To be honest, I probably could have waited an hour to eat).
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
4:30 (oh dear, found myself at the kitchen cabinets dying for a snack. Yep I broke down and ate. I think I was tired from the walk and a little cold too).
crystalized ginger
4 figs
6:30 (not hungry really but wanted to eat dinner before it was too late. Went for comfort food which I completely enjoyed).
grilled cheese (50% fat) on whole wheat bread with New Balance
banana chips (1 serving)

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies
Movement and Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods. Beautiful mild weather and blue sky starting out. Watched sun set as I walked.

"This food is the gift of the whole universe - the earth, the sky, and much hard work. May we live in a way that is worthy of this food. May we transform our unskillful states of mind, especially that of greed. May we eat only foods that nourish us and prevent illness. May we accept this food for the realization of the way of understanding and love."
~Thich Nhat Hanh

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-24T10:39:00.000-05:00

The week flew and it's Friday recap again. My weight is up a little but my guess is salt is a factor. I didn't stuff myself yesterday but I noticed that many of the things I ate tasted salty. I don't cook with salt anymore and I have cut back on processed foods so when I run across salt, I notice it.

This week I want to focus on awareness of hunger and fullness. I waited to eat breakfast this morning until I felt clear hunger pangs and I didn't measure amounts. I used my eye which is probably well trained by now. I finished my bowl of breakfast including just about every curd of cottage cheese. Some habits die hard.

As far as fullness is concerned, I definitely was not stuffed and I'm not sure how full I was, but I felt satisfied. Maybe that should be my guidepost. Satisfaction is something I can identify when I pay attention.

Writing at this tedious level of detail horrifies me. However, I am trying to inhabit the details of my life so that's what I am writing about in this forum.

I used the lux light on gray mornings all week and it seems to help with waking in the morning. I don't know if it helps with energy throughout the day but the brightness makes early morning reading much easier.

My new low hikers are a vast improvement on my run-down treadless pair. I need to pay more attention to my shoes because foot comfort can make or break a walk for me. I continue to shop for hiking boots. I did online research, talked with several people and tried on some boots. I will continue until I buy a pair. I also made tentitive plans to walk with a very seasoned mountain climber in my family. She will help me gain experience for bigger hikes.

I walked 6 and a half hours this week and did 2 arm and leg resistance sessions and 1 abs and core session. Walking is up from last week. I would like to do at least one long hike in before I go to Boulder.

I continue with Michael Pollan's Omnivore's Dilemma, and hope to finish it this week. What a great book!

Sleep: just short of 6 hours & up at 5:45
Vitamins
Weight 187.5

6:30 (mild hunger followed by satisfaction)
nf cottage cheese, tangerine, Kashi pilaf grains and walnuts
black tea
10:00 (mild hunger & couldn't discern fullness but hunger was gone)
chocolate heaven
12:00 (true confessions...the turkey wrap went down fast while I was watching "The View." I noticed the first bite. Veggie dippers went down a little more slowly, and the pomegranate slower still. I was slightly hungry starting out and well... happy with my lunch but not too tuned in on fullness. Hari hachi bu was definitely not happening. This is a typical meal experience for me).
turkey (real, not deli), lettuce and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
raw brocoli, cauliflower, carrots and cucumbers with baba ghannouj
half a pomegranate
1:00 Found myself forraging in the cabinets "feeling hungry?" but not sure...more likely tired because I didn't get enough sleep last night. Took nap for about half an hour and that did the trick...I was tired...not hungry.
3:30 (a little hungry and I was at beginning of walk).
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:30 (actually forgot that I was tracking hunger and fullness).
turkey veggie soup
sweet potato with New Balance
fresh pineapple

Totals: 7 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement and Meditation: 1 hour and 15 minute walk in the woods.

This life is not for complaint, but for satisfaction.
~Henry David Thoreau

Thanksgiving Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-23T08:56:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving day. The regular routine was blown away but overall it was a really good day. The feast was delicious and I tasted and enjoyed most things in small portions. I was not hungry going in either. Ate dessert much later at a family gathering and ate dinner after that (very late for me). I had really good low-key visits with people I truly love and I didn't stuff myself. Biggest challenge of the day was eating conservatively during the hours before the big feast while wonderful aromas wafted through the house.

Sleep 6 hours & up at 5
Vitamins
Weight: 186
Lux light about an hour

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, tangerine and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
3 cups tea
8:30
chocolate heaven
10:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
11:30 (cooking smells are wonderful and driving me crazy..it's a good thing I don't work in food preparation).
handful of banana chips
bite of soy cheese
2:30
turkey
cranberry sauce
and spoonful size servings of each of the following: greenbean casserole, sweet potatoes, stuffing, corn casserole, squash casserole
lots of raw veggies
pumpkin bread
8:30
very small plate of 2 bites each of apple crisp, apple cranberry pie and iced cake
9:30
small serving of turkey with a few bites of stuffing
celery

Totals: about 6 veggies and 3 fruits

If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is 'thank you', it will be enough.
~Meister Eckhart

Hari Hachi Bu

2006-11-22T18:59:00.000-05:00

The drawer that holds all my funny little cooking tools is tricky to close because three nested sets of measuring cups crowd the drawer. Everyday, as I unload the dishwasher, I carefully stack the nested sets. Many people reading this will assume I must cook a lot. I cook, but I probably use the measuring cups once or twice a week to measure cooking ingredients. I could get by with one set for cooking. I use the cups everyday to measure food that I plan to eat, something I have done intermittently over the years depending on how carefully I am watching the amounts of food I am eating.

Measuring servings started years ago when I was a teenager going to Weight Watchers. I also used a scale to weigh food. The scale and its many replacements are long gone. However, I occasionally think I need to buy a new scale to weigh out single servings of food after reading nutrition labels expressed in weight instead of volume.

I was once at a dinner party with a friend who is very careful about what she eats and she pulled a measuring cup from her purse to measure her serving of tossed salad. I wondered if she was trying to avoid eating too much or if she was trying to get enough vegetables in. I’ve never measured tossed salad, but I measure the cottage cheese, oatmeal or cereal I eat for breakfast. My thoughts are I want to be careful about what I am eating, I want to be healthy....I don’t want to eat too much in the carbohydrate category and I want to make sure I get enough protein (but not too much).

Portion control is the name of the game here. I have been completely out of control in the portion control department for much of my life. I apply the reigns this way and my weight begins to drop. I do this by dutifully reading nutrition labels and measuring out appropriate amounts of food.

When I measure out my bowl of cottage cheese I always eat every bite. The bowl is absolutely clean. I am beginning to wonder about this practice of reading labels and carefully measuring food. My thought is, I am eating "right" but right by whose standards?

I was recently reading about long-lived elders in Okinawa. They have the largest ratio of centenarians in the world. When their life practices were studied, a number of factors emerged as significant to their long lives and good health. One is hari hachi bu which translated means “eat until you are 80% full.”

I read articles about knowing body signals for hunger and fullness. I go through periods when I attempt to do this. I definitely know hunger, although sometimes I am fooled into feeling I am hungry if I’m not carefully paying attention. Fullness is more difficult to discern. I know “Thanksgiving full” which for most of my life translated into “stuffed.” Simply full is more tricky. I experience this sensation only when I eat slowly and I have to pay close attention to know I am there. 80% full is an entirely new level of awareness.

Is this something I can learn? I wonder if years of eating with portion control issues followed by years of externally defined portions has ruined my ability to do this.

Hari hachi bu requires that I use foresight, keep focus and develop an intimate knowledge of my body. Paying attention to body signals closely enough to know 80% fullness comes from experience, and cannot be dictated from information printed on a label on the side of a box.

My guess is the centenarian Okinawans who practice hari hachi bu enjoy simply prepared meals. Quiet conversation and special time with family are part of the equation. Consciousness is central. This is my wish for myself. This is my wish for all people facing eating struggles.

Not knowing Japanese has some benefit as I consider hari hachi bu. My guess is it is everyday wisdom for Okinawans who practice it. To me it carries elements of prayer, perhaps blessing.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and Hari Hachi Bu.

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-22T12:54:00.000-05:00

Oh my, I found some new muscles this morning. Returning to the machines for resistance training yesterday worked areas I must have been missing with free weights.

I joined the masses of people today who are getting ready for the major feast holiday of the year. The grocery store and the turkey farm were crowded even during non-peak hours. I was amazed by the huge sale displays of unusual food choices for at the grocery store: Cheese Whiz and crackers for one. Cheese Whiz is the last thing I would think to buy for Thanksgiving. Maybe that is why it is on sale.

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours & up at 6:45
Vitamins
Weight: 186

7:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, fresh pineapple and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3 c before cooked)
3 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00 HUNGRY
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard on whole wheat wrap
tangerine
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
3:00
half a pomegranate
Dr Kracker flatbread
crystallized ginger
6:00
turkey veggie soup and soy cheese
tangerine
8:30
3 tootsie pops
handful of banana chips

Totals: 4 veggies and 4 fruits
Movement and Meditation: one hour morning walk in the woods. It was cold and fresh and big clouds were rolling in.

Don't assume you're always going to be understood. I wrote in a column that one should put a cup of liquid in the cavity of a turkey when roasting it. Someone wrote me that 'the turkey tasted great, but the plastic cup melted.'
~Heloise

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-21T10:19:00.000-05:00

Hit the wall with hunger after a full day with walking and Y workout. Realized tonight that my carb intake was low early in the day my lunch didn't have the staying power for my level of activity. It's hard to cook in the kitchen for an hour when my stomach is screaming at me. Got through with a snack and ate a large bowl of soup (mostly veggies). Ginger and fudgesicle were extras. I always have to remember that this involves a learning curve. Didn't have calorie dense Tri-lo-plex bar either today so calorie intake was lower than usual.

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours & up at 6:45
Vitamins
Weight: 185
Lux light: about an hour

8:00
boiled egg
whole wheat toast with New Balance
orange
3 cups black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven
Dr Kracker flat bread
12:00
tossed salad with deli turkey, soy cheese and 6 g fat olive oil based dressing
dried banana crisps
3:00
dry roasted edamame (good snack!)
Asian pear
5:30 HUNGRY while cooking dinner
Dr Kracker flat bread
crystalized ginger
6:30
turkey veggie soup
fudgesicle

Totals: 3 fruits and 7 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour and 15 minute walk in the woods and total body resistance training workout at the Y.

One pound of learning requires ten pounds of common sense to apply it.
~Proverbs

Vitamins

2006-11-20T20:44:00.000-05:00

I don’t like taking vitamins. In reality, I don’t believe in taking them. Better said, I feel it is unfortunate that I don’t trust the food I eat to provide optimal nutrition so I take vitamins as a hedge to this lack of trust.

If I am totally honest, I don’t trust that taking vitamins will protect me from deficits I worry about.

I list vitamins second in my daily Virtual Dinner Partner run down. I do this because I purchase them but if I don’t write this everyday, I forget to take them. As a second point of honesty, many days I write “vitamins” and remember that I didn’t take them so I stop writing and go take them.

I don’t know if what I take makes much difference. I take a standard multi-vitamin for people over fifty. I take calcium so that between my dietary intake and the supplement I can possibly prevent bone loss that is prevalent at my age. I take fish oil supplements to get Omega 3 fatty acids EPA and DHA to protect my heart, joints and as a hedge to depression. I take L lysine, because I have been told that it can help prevent cold sores which I hate to get. Last year I started taking Vitamin D in the winter because I heard that people north of a certain parallel suffer vitamin D deficiency in the winter and taking this supplement can help with a range of maladies. I also take St John’s Wort in the winter because I have symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder and maybe this supplement helps curb the malaise and lack of energy I feel during the winter. I have the most doubt about its helpfulness but I still take it.

I spend a fair amount of money for vitamins and supplements. I tend not to buy top of the line, health food store varieties but I still spend a fair amount replenishing my daily supplies. I want to believe they will make a difference and I act based on this want to believe.

I want wisdom and sound clinical evidence to guide these choices but, the reality is, even though people make strong recommendations about vitamins and supplements, I am skeptical about the claims that are made. I read my horoscope every day and some days I really want to believe what is written. I take vitamins in a similar spirit. I want to believe that they will make a difference.

The horoscope analogy doesn’t completely hold up however. Horoscopes are fun, they are about divining the unknown and picturing possible outcomes (my pictures are usually positive). I want positive healthy outcomes, so I take vitamins, however there is an element of fear that drives this choice. I take vitamins in the spirit of restoring health, remedying deficits, getting back what should have been there in the first place.

Foods that have vitamins and minerals added to them during processing are called “fortified.” Yes, there are elements of fortification here: we are saving, even rescuing ourselves from disaster; righting what is wrong and restoring our health with these little bullets of distilled chemicals. Vitamins are all about recovery and rehabilitation from the lives we are living.

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-20T10:54:00.000-05:00

Sleep: little more than 8 hours & up at 7:15
Vitamins
Weight: 186
Lux light: 1 hour

8:00
1/2 c nf cottage cheese, 1/3c Kashi pilaf grains, grapes, 2 tbsp walnuts
2 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey,lettuce and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
1 cup escarole and white bean soup
Asian pear
2:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
4:30
50% cheese
Dr Kracker cracker
tangerine
7:00
Panera fugi apple chicken salad without gorganzola
multigrain bread

Totals: 4 veggies, 4 fruits

Movement & Meditation: 1 hour walk in the woods. Starting to feel like winter but the sun was out.

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
~Albert Einstein

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-19T15:09:00.000-05:00

I tried on several pairs of hiking boots today at REI. The shoe department was busy and understaffed so I had a brief conversation with the sales person about fitting boots. I ruled out one brand of boot and really liked another (Asolo).

It is hard to find a good in-store selection of serious hiking boots for women. Lots of light hikers are available, but I want something sturdier. My light hikers didn't provide enough support for my Mt Monadnock climb this summer. I was more confident shopping today. It takes time and attention to make this important selection...and it is starting to be fun.

I had a day of testing my resilience. Lunch got away from me. I realized it when, after eating lunch, I wanted more so I had baba ganouj with pita bread. Then I found myself foraging in the kitchen cabinets. After eating half a serving of cheese flavored rice cakes (pseudo junk food in my mind), I realized I was teetering on the edge of binge behavior. This happens with fair regularity for me this time of year. It used to really upset me...now I try to see it and befriend it. I put away the rice cakes and thought about what was going on. It wasn't emotional eating today, it was more physiological.

Lunch was late. I was too hungry, tired from shopping, and wiped out from less than enough sleep last night. It was also really gray again today. Carbohydrates call to me with this combination of factors. To keep this from happening I need to keep good snacks in the car (like whole grain crackers and peanuts), take short naps when I am tired, and go outside for sunlight. I used the lux light this morning but nothing beats natural light. Mid afternoon I decided to take a nap. I felt much better when I woke up.

So I ate more than I usually eat today. Sometimes I do that.

Sleep: about 6 and a half hours & up at 5:45
Vitamins
Weight:185
Lux light: about 1 hour
Meditation: 10 minutes sitting

6:00
Kashi cereal, banana and skim milk
2 cups black tea
10:00
1 c plain nf yogurt, 3/4 c frozen blueberries blended
Dr Kracker cracker (wow, so good!)
1/4c peanuts
1:30 (waited too long HUNGRY)
white bean and escarole soup
50% cheese
Dr Kracker cracker
whole wheat pita and 2 tbsp baba ghannouj
half serving cheese flavored rice cakes
Asian pear
6:00
tangerine
6:30
omlette with soy cheese
half a piece of toast with new balance
salad with 6g fat olive oil based dressing
cocoa about 6 oz.

Totals: 4 fruits and 6 veggies
Movement: resistance training arms and legs 10 lbs 2 sets 8 reps.

The apple cannot be stuck back on the Tree of Knowledge; once we begin to see, we are doomed and challenged to seek the strength to see more, not less.
~Arthur Miller

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-18T12:50:00.000-05:00

Spent the morning researching hiking boots on-line. My experience yesterday trying on a pair of Asolo boots and talking to the sales person about her hiking adventures has me excited. I want to break in a pair of good hiking boots walking this winter and plan some mountain climbing and remote hiking next summer.

Sleep: 8 and a half hours & up at 7:30
Vitamins
Weight: 185

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange and 1 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked) with 1 tsp peanut butter stirred in (good!!)
2 cups black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:30
sleek* with a dollop of nf plain yogurt
* see entry earlier this month titled "sleek?" if you don't know what this is
banana
2:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
4:30
Asian pear
6:30 (ate out)
veggie and tofu stir-fry
brown rice

Totals: 6 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement and Meditation: 2 hour walk in the woods. Cold air and blue sky made perfect walking weather. Spent time on remote paths. Mud everywhere.

Our consciousness rarely registers the beginning of a growth within us any more than without us; there have been many circulations of the sap before we detect the smallest sign of the bud. ~ George Eliot

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-17T10:44:00.000-05:00

Today is recap day, something I did on a weekly basis with my original virtual dinner partner. Depending on what was happening or how either one of us was feeling, recap showed up in a number of forms: lists of changes, lists of accomplishments, lists of problems, and bulleted ranting. It also frequently appeared in a narrative form with thoughts, discussion, dreams, questions, and of course ranting.

Today is the 10th day of Blogger Virtual Dinner Partner. According to the statistics kept by the site 16 people have visited. I have gotten several thoughtful emails which I completely appreciate and I am considering posting an email site for the blog to open up the conversation.

Doing Virtual Dinner Partner as a blog feels odd. It is extraordinarily revealing which is unusual for me because I tend to be private but I am enjoying writing it. When this was a dyad practice I loved seeing how my partner was living her life on this fundamental level. Strangely enough, I have always dreaded conversations with people who engage in "what I ate today" run-downs. Doing this feels different.

It doesn't feel confessional (although it is), it feels more like a way of being present with other people. With my original partner there wasn't a whole lot of commentary back and forth about choices unless it was requested. That felt right and it worked to help me stay aware of choices I was making on a day to day basis.

Doing the blog feels bigger. I initially said I was committed to one week and if it was just too weird I would stop. Ten days have passed and I want to write about a range topics within this odd format. So I am committing to continue until the end of November. Then I'll take another look to see if I want to continue another month.

This week I walked 4 hours and did 2 complete cycles of full body resistance training. I bought new low hikers because I have walked the treads off my last pair. I also started shopping for hiking boots. That is a big step because I tell shoe sales people what I am looking for...serious shoes for serious hiking. That is a substantial turning point! I am shopping in outdoor stores and the sales people are outdoor athletes. I'm joining the ranks and it feels exciting.

I was eating the same meals days on end, which is something I fall into frequently. I feel like I broke the cycle and I have a little more range in my menu's.

I cut back on sweets this week. I had one dessert. I definitely feel better. I still get carbohydrate cravings but they are under better control. Eating more tri-lo-plex bars than I would like but they are a little better than candy and cookies.

My weight has equalized and I am back to my standard around 185. I am sticking to my resolve to maintain this weight through the holiday season.

Next week I would like to continue with variety as a focus in my menus. I want to step up my resistance training and walking to get ready for my trip to Boulder where I will be really active. I want to continue shopping for hiking boots.

I want to start tracking my use of the lux light and see if my energy level is better on really gray days. I noticed I was dragging on gray days this week.

I want to step up formal sitting meditation practice to at least 10 minutes a day to start. Walking is my meditation practice presently which feels right for me but I like the experience I have with sitting and I would like to return to it as well.

I want to finish reading Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan.

Sleep: about 6 hours & up at 5
Vitamins
Lux light: about an hour

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes, 2 tbsp walnuts, and 1/3c kashi pilaf grains
2 c black tea
9:00
chocolate heaven
whole wheat crackers
12:00
chicken and whole wheat spagetti in marinara sauce
tossed salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
Asian pear
3:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
6:30
beans and greens with a little soy cheese
deli turkey on small whole wheat pita
kiwi

Totals: 3 fruits and 5 veggies

Movement and Meditation: hour long walk in the woods. Clear sky and thankfully the rain has stopped. Warm enough to walk in shirt-sleeves.

Words, like nature half reveal and half conceal the soul within.
~Alfred Lord Tennyson

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-16T11:18:00.000-05:00

It was another gray rainy day and it looks like November but it was up in the high 70's which was a bit strange.

Sleep: about 6 and a half hours & up at 5. I was wide awake so I got up.
Vitamins
Weight: 184.5 It is equalizing again. I was up a few pounds for a couple of weeks. Pants are loose again.
Lux light: about 45 minutes

6:15
Kashi cereal, banana and skim milk
2 tablespoons of walnuts
3 cups of tea
9:30
chocolate heaven
whole wheat crackers
12:00
white bean and escarole soup
Asian pear
2:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:00
broiled salmon
asparagus
half a sweet potato with New Balance
orange

Totals: 2 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement: Ball ab and core exercises

No sun - no moon! No morn - no noon -
No dawn - no dusk - no proper time of day.
No warmth, no cheerfulness, no healthful ease,
No comfortable feel in any member -
No shade, no shine, no butterflies, no bees,
No fruits, no flowers, no leaves, no birds,
November!
Thomas Hood 1799-1845

Sleek?

2006-11-15T19:51:00.000-05:00

I'm not talking smooth and glossy or elegant and stylish, I am talking delicious!

I spent my twenties in Pittsburgh where there were quite a few Lebanese restaurants. For a good price, I could enjoy feasts of baba ghannouj, hummus, tabouli, freshly baked pita bread, and sleek. I see the first four menu items as regular fare at the grocery store these days, but I don't see sleek. As a matter of fact, when I mention it, most people don't know what it is.

If you like beans or greens you will like sleek. It's easy to make and good for you!

SLEEK
large sweet yellow onion diced
good bunch of kale
1/2 c bulghur (cracked wheat available at Whole Foods)
1 can black-eyed peas
tamari (higher quality soy sauce, try to get low sodium)
plain non-fat yogurt

1. In a small skillet with a tiny amount of olive oil toast the bulgher until it is golden brown. Add a cup of boiling water to the bulgher and set aside.
2. Wash kale and remove stems. Cut or tear into big chunks. Set aside.
3. In a large skillet, saute onion in 2 tsp olive oil until caramelized.
4. Drain black-eyed peas and rinse in colander to get rid of excess sodium.
5. Add bulghur and black-eyed peas to onions and mix. Add kale to mixture and toss gently. Place lid on skillet and allow mixture to simmer until kale is cooked down and shiny. Add a tablespoon of tamari and stir.
6. Serve with a large dollop of plain non-fat yogurt and a sprinkle of tamari sauce on top of the yogurt. Enjoy!

Wednesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-15T19:12:00.001-05:00

I decided I wanted some range in my meals...too many turkey wraps and chicken dinners....so I had a vegetarian day and ate mostly Middle Eastern food. I love hummus and baba and eat them regularly for afternoon snacks, but I haven't had sleek in ages. Don't know what sleek is? Read the previous posting. It sounds unusual but I love it! It is quite easy to make and it's a hearty filling vegetarian meal.

Sleep about 7 hours & up at 6
Vitamins
Weight: 185.5

7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, orange, 2 tbsp walnuts and 1/2c Kashi pilaf grains
3 c tea
11:00
baba ghannouj and hummus with 2 small whole wheat pitas
raw carrots
1 c plain nf yogurt with frozen blueberries blended in
1:30
banana
2 tbsp peanuts
5:30
sleek with plain nf yogurt and tamari sauce
half a pomegranate

Totals: 4 fruits and 3 veggies
Movement and Meditation: one hour hike through the woods. Patches of blue sky but mostly gray and unseasonably warm. I hiked in shirt sleeves. What a relief it is to be walking again after days of rain.

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
Aphra Behn

Tuesday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-14T13:13:00.000-05:00

Another gray rainy day and my car was in the shop having expensive repair work...not my favorite recipe for joy. I am dying to walk but the combination of miserable weather and the wait for my car has me homebound. On top of that, Oprah, a favorite diversion, is depressing today (her show is about depression)!

It's interesting, on days when I am inactive or I am worried, I struggle with what I experience as hunger. I found myself foraging through the cabinets and refrigerator looking for something to curb the malaise I felt with the weather and the anxiety and frustration of expensive car repairs. Fortunately I "found" myself doing this and stopped before any real damage occurred.

Tonight was "junk food" night...soy nuggets, my sort of healthy answer to frustration cravings. I choose them with slight skepicism. They are breaded with stone ground whole wheat and the list of ingredients doesn't include too many chemicals. I wonder about textured soy protein. Just what is done to those beans to give them a "meat-like" quality? I have cut back on processed food but I keep a box of these things in the freezer exactly for this kind of situation. They are healthier than pepperoni pizza.

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours and up at 6:45
Vitamins

7:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese with grapes and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
deli turkey, lettuce and honey mustard in whole wheat wrap
broccoli and a little New Balance
orange
2:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
4:00
Asian pear
6:00
soy nuggets and honey mustard
salad and 6g fat canola based dressing

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits.
Movement: resistance training 10 pound free weights for arms 2x8 reps and 10 pound ankle weights for legs 2x8 reps. Ball exercises for abs, back and core.

Expect trouble as an inevitable part of life and repeat to yourself, the most comforting words of all; this, too, shall pass.
Ann Landers (1918 - 2002)

Monday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-13T14:04:00.000-05:00

I need to go grocery shopping. I have been eating chicken for days and I am getting tired of the same dinner meals. I need to get some fish and tofu for a change of pace. Lots of people I know don't like either of those choices, but strangely enough, I actually do.

A major problem I run into with meals is I tend to go with the same things for weeks at a time and I get tired of my choices, then I don't know what to have. I get tripped up by a lack of everyday vigilance and attention to detail I seem to need to stay on course. I can make this simple if I just remember to focus here a little everyday.

Sleep: about 7 hours & up at 6:15
Vitamins
Weight 186

7:00
boiled egg
whole wheat toast with New Balance
orange
11:00
chocolate heaven
1:00
whole wheat wrap with deli turkey, lettuce, and honey mustard
1 cup home made lentil soup
fresh pineapple
4:00
half a Tri-lo-plex bar
6:00
chicken marinara with whole wheat pasta
salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
Asian pear

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits
Rest day (rain rain rain!!)

I want all my senses engaged. Let me absorb the world's variety and uniqueness.
Maya Angelou (1928 - )

How MUCH did you say you weigh?

2006-11-12T19:15:00.000-05:00

I posted my weight today. I thought quite a bit about posting it...mostly questioning, am I nuts to do this? When I started Virtual Dinner Partner as a dyad practice with my original partner I included that information. When I weighed myself, she knew how much I weighed. Doing this involved major trust for me.

My nightmare question until recently has been "how much do you weigh?". The question was rarely asked, people knew better.

The last time I remember being asked was during a phone conversation a number of years ago when I was trying to schedule a flight on a small airplane to an island off the coast of Florida and total passenger and cargo weight mattered. I told them I wasn't even really sure how much I weighed.

I was asked, "over 200 pounds?".
"Yeah," I replied.
"By much?"
"Yeah."
I didn't add that I weighed around 280. I was referred to a boat company because I weighed too much for the plane ride. I burned with shame as I hung up the phone. I didn't go to the island.

I work hard to see my weight as peripheral information in my life. One of many bits that make up a complicated picture of how I am doing. Earlier in my life it seemed tied to my value as a human being. Weighing "too much" equaled not having much value as a person....particularly as a woman.

I have slowly dropped a substantial amount of weight during the last four years as part of a total life and health reclamation project. I am still considered "overweight" using the body mass index, but I am feeling pretty good. I try to see the numbers: weight, body mass index, pants size, hip measure, simply as numbers. Information that makes up part of a picture of how I am doing.

I am definitely doing better, but it is not strictly tied to the numbers that are associated to my particular measurements. I am feeling better. I have more energy and I feel happier. This change in my sense of "well being" results from some complex changes in everyday choices and ways that I experience my life. I don't fully understand how everything comes together to make a difference. I just try to pay attention to what is happening and how I am feeling. It's so much more than the numbers AND the numbers are simply numbers. So I pay some attention to them and I will include them in my postings from time to time.

Sunday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-12T18:27:00.000-05:00

Sleep: 7 and a half hours & up at 6:30
Vitamins
Weight 186.5

7:30
1/2c nf cottage cheese, cantaloupe and 2 tbsp walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 cups black tea
10:00
chocolate heaven
12:00
teryaki pork loin
salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
TLC crackers 1 serving
grapes
6:00
chicken
whole grain pasta with marinara sauce
broccoli
half a pomegranate

Totals: 5 veggies and 3 fruits
Movement: arms free weights 10 lbs 2x8 and legs with 10 lb ankle cuffs 2x8

I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see. ~John Burroughs

Chocolate Heaven

2006-11-11T09:25:00.000-05:00

I die for chocolate...the good dark stuff. I go through periods when I can eat it in "the good form"...real blocks of dark chocolate candy that I dissolve slowly in my mouth savoring every molecule of joy this magnificent stuff brings. I buy the best, Scharffen Berger or Lake Champlain and carefully break off half an ounce every few days.

Chocolate contains a storehouse of antioxodants so tiny quantities of dark (70%) are actually good for you. Tiny is the operative word here. Half an ounce of slow melting ecstasy delivers about 80 calories.

Sometimes cravings kick in though and I have trouble enjoying just one half ounce. The chocolate siren calls and I visit the block several times in a given day. "Chocolate Heaven" is my response to chocolate cravings during periods when I lack control. I get my chocolate full force but without the sugar and fat.

In a blender put 1 tablespoon of unsweetened high quality cocoa (like Ghiradelli or Lake Champlain) for each cup of cold skim milk. Add a sweetener of choice: sugar, stevia, honey, xylitol, or Splenda. I just add a tiny amount for sweetness. Also, you can add ripe frozen banana slices (for sweetness and bulk). Blend until smooth and frothy. Serve immediately.

It really does the trick. I find it satisfies my love of chocolate at 15 calories and 1.5 grams of fat a tablespoon and gives me milk.

Saturday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-11T09:21:00.000-05:00

Sleep: about 6 hours & up at 5. I woke up early and was wide awake. I felt happy and ready for the day.
Vitamins

6:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, grapes and walnuts
oatmeal 1/3c before cooked
2 c black tea
8:00
chocolate heaven
11:00 (hungry early! but got up early)
turkey burger and honey mustard
whole grain tortilla
salad with 6g fat canola based dressing
kiwi
2:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
5:00
whole wheat pita and baba ghannouj
cantaloupe
7:00
zucchini, onion and sweet pepper egg beater omelet with soy cheese

Totals: 6 veggies and 3 fruits

Movement & Meditation: two hour walk in the woods. Travelled to remote area and almost lost trail the leaf cover was so thick. Shirt sleeve weather. Lots of people out today.

Sleepy this afternoon so I took an hour long nap.

Now I see the secret of the making of the best persons. It is to grow in the open air and to eat and sleep with the earth.
Walt Whitman (1819 - 1892)

Friday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-10T21:26:00.000-05:00

I got to see my original partner in this practice for a few hours today when she flew into town for a funeral. It was so good to spend actual time together and catch up face to face. The benefits of digital communication are quite wonderful but nothing is better than real human contact. What a blessing today was.

Sleep: 6 hours & up at 6:30
Vitamins

7:30
Kashi Good Friends cereal with skim milk and banana
2 c black tea
10:30
chocolate heaven (2 tbsp good quality unsweetened cocoa in 2 c skim milk with a little spenda whirred in the blender until mixed)
1/4 c unsalted roasted peanuts
12:00
deli turkey with lettuce and honey mustard in whole grain wrap
fresh pineapple
7:00 (dinner at my friend's parent's house)
chicken, broccoli and pasta with Alfredo sauce
salad with lowfat dressing
tiny home made brownie

Totals: 2 fruits and 4 veggies

Movement and Meditation: one hour and fifteen minute morning walk in the woods. Breathing cool fresh air woke me up. What a beautiful morning!

Each friend represents a world in us, a world not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.
Anais Nin (1903 - 1977)

Feeling those muscles

2006-11-09T11:33:00.000-05:00

And I have to say for the most part it feels good to be just a little sore. I did arm and leg resistance training yesterday. My left shoulder is feeling extra sore. I will have to give it some TLC. The lateral raises probably caused that soreness.

The honest truth is it has been about two weeks since I have done any lifting...and probably two months since I was on my regular cycle of whole body resistance training at least two times a week, spread out over several sessions.

I need to get back to pumping iron. I can schedule it with relative ease. The problem is I just don't love it. Lifting makes me feel better after I do it and helps me get strong enough to do the things I really love. It's vitally important to do it at this point in my life to maintain bone and muscle. I feel better too when I am lifting regularly. I have more energy and I am less likely to feel all over achiness.

My resolve is to get back to my steady schedule from this summer. It's not a first love but one of those supports that keeps me going....I am usually happy lifting after I have been at the Y for about 15 or 20 minutes and something kicks in(endorphins?....a can-do spirit....actually feeling good) and I am OK until I finish. I wish I loved the gym atmosphere. It's not a walk in the woods for me.

Thursday Virtual Dinner Partner

2006-11-09T11:28:00.000-05:00

Sleep: about 7 and a half hours & up at 7
Vitamins

8:00
1/2c nf cottage cheese, cantaloupe, and walnuts
oatmeal (1/3c before cooked)
2 cups black tea
12:30
baba ghannouj and whole wheat pita
home made lentil soup
cauliflower
fresh pineapple
1 c nf plain yogurt with frozen blueberries
3:30
half a tri-lo-plex bar
6:30
pork loin
tossed salad with 6g fat canola dressing
sweet potato with new balance
half a pomegranate

Totals: 4 fruits and 6 veggies

Movement & Meditation: one hour fifteen minute walk in the woods. I loved hiking muddy leaf covered trails on such a warm beautiful day.

"Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment." Rumi